


Set Free

by Marchling



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Magnus Bane, Secrets, Supportive Magnus Bane, Winged Alec Lightwood, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-09-20 19:50:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17028921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marchling/pseuds/Marchling
Summary: Alec was gripping the chair so hard his knuckles were white. What could he possibly be hiding that he was so scared about? Magnus had assumed that he had most of Alec’s secrets by now. There were probably still some awful moments of Robert and Maryse’s terrible parenting that Magnus had yet to uncover but for the most part, he thought that Alec had been open with him. Clearly, he had been wrong.___Or: Alec Lightwood has wings and he is not okay with it. Magnus is, though. He is totally okay with it and he will drag Alec down the path of self-acceptance kicking and screaming.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Shadowhunters fandom! I'm still really new to this world, so please be gentle. I read the first book ages ago (not gonna lie, didn't love it) and am only up to the middle of season 2 (do love it), although I have a decent idea of what's to come because I love me some spoilers. I don't have the full lay of the land yet, so if there's something wildly off, please forgive me. 
> 
> Also, this takes place after season 2 but before season 3. I'm skipping the whole owl thing, mostly because I haven't gotten there yet.

The scene that Magnus walked into would have been the start of a heartbreaking betrayal if he was in love with anyone but Alec Lightwood. Certainly he had walked in on Camille with other men missing some if not all articles of clothing many times over the course of their relationship. His years with her meant that was where his mind went first but he immediately dismissed the thought.

Alec had spent the morning in meetings at the Institute and they had plans to meet at the loft for lunch. That they would both be home now was _expected_ , so he wasn’t walking into anything he wasn’t meant to, even if Jace’s presence was slightly surprising.

If anything, Magnus _shouldn’t_ have been surprised. Alec and Jace had been seemingly going through a rough patch lately that had baffled him and Clary. Or rather, Alec had seemed oddly annoyed with Jace who was in turn not reacting well to it. There were certainly times when the blond Shadowhunter deserved Alec’s cold shoulder but this hadn’t seemed like one of them. Nothing had happened that he was aware of. Usually, Alec seemed incapable of pushing his _parabatai_ away even when the other boy had earned it. So what exactly Jace had done to receive a week of dedicated avoidance was a mystery to Magnus. He had been even more puzzled by it when Clary had texted him to see if he knew anything about it.

They were bonded though, they couldn’t stay apart forever. Seeing Jace in the loft was something of a relief even, because it meant that Alec would be less tense. Since Magnus had worked his way through an initial dislike of Jace and had settled into the sort of love that he would feel towards a particularly frustrating one of his cats, having Jace join them for lunch was no hardship – especially if it meant Alec would be happier.

So walking in on Alec and Jace together in his loft wasn’t the problem. Alec’s lack of shirt wasn’t really an issue either. The two sparred in various states of undress regularly and Magnus never minded seeing Alec after a good workout.

Except Jace was fully clothed, they clearly hadn’t just been sparring and there was a distinctly uncomfortable feeling in the air.

And that wasn’t even including the redecoration of his living room.

There was a hard-backed chair from his dining table set in the center of the room and turned backwards that Alec was straddling while Jace was standing and all the other furniture was pushed either in front of or behind Alec with nothing to his sides.

“You realize I have a perfectly good balcony for sparring, right?” Magnus said. He let just a hint of how puzzled he was by the scene in front of him enter his voice, just in case the two thought they could play at being mysterious _parabatai_ and get out of explaining. “I would even be willing to do some alterations to one of the guest rooms, if you two wanted a private room to beat each other senseless.”

“We don’t beat each other,” Jace said in response, although he didn’t take his eyes away from Alec’s slumped form, “And we weren’t sparring.”

That Alec hadn’t reacted to his return was worrying Magnus more than the rest of it. He stepped closer and went reach for Alec but his Shadowhunter flinched away before Magnus could get near enough to touch him. He pulled his hand back, stung and even more worried than he had been before, “Darling? What’s wrong?”

“Alec has something to tell you,” Jace said.

Again, Magnus probably should have been more concerned about the implications of that. He wasn’t, though, both because he trusted Alec and because Jace hadn’t ever set off his finely tuned gaydar. He hadn’t been wrong in over two centuries and painfully straight Jace Herondale wasn’t going to be the one to break his streak.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Clearly there was something else going on that Alec was upset about. He was practically hugging the back of the chair he was slumped over. His broad shoulders were hunched and his head was tilted down so he could see little more than their shoes. He had his stele clenched in his hand so tightly his knuckles had turned white. Magnus crouched down in front of him and kept his hands to his sides. It was difficult, he wanted to pull Alec into his arms until whatever this was got better, but Alec was radiating _don’t touch me_ and Magnus would never disrespect that. “Alec?” He asked gently.

Alec’s eyes stayed glued to the carpet and they were blinking rapidly. His angel was trying not to cry. The urge to touch somehow got even harder to ignore.

“Love, talk to me.” Magnus encouraged.

Jace shifted beside him, “You promised that we were going to tell him.”

Magnus glanced up at Jace and was a little surprised to see the challenging look on his face. This was clearly some sort of test that Jace was warning him not to fail. Their conversation out his balcony about how neither of them wanted Alec hurt came ringing back in his ears. He turned back to Alec and fell back from his crouch to properly sit on the floor. He tried to duck down enough to catch Alec’s eye, “You know you can tell me anything, Alexander.”

Alec pulled in a shuddering breath and he shook his head silently.

Jace sighed and stepped closer to put a hand on Alec’s shoulder. This time, Alec didn’t flinch and Magnus tried not to be hurt by that. Aside from the fact that Jace and Alec were literally sharing souls, this was clearly a secret that Jace already knew. It wasn’t Jace’s reaction that Alec was so afraid of.

“Listen, if you really can’t tell him then we’ll try again next time.” Jace seemed to relent in the face of Alec’s distress, “But you and I have to get this done, with or without Magnus.”

“I prefer the first option, darling,” Magnus volunteered.

Alec was gripping the chair so hard his knuckles were white. What could he possibly be hiding that he was so scared about? Magnus had assumed that he had most of Alec’s secrets by now. There were probably still some awful moments of Robert and Maryse’s terrible parenting that Magnus had yet to uncover but for the most part, he thought that Alec had been open with him. Clearly, he had been wrong.

“You’ve been putting this off too long, Alec.” Jace continued, “We were two weeks late _before_ you spent a week avoiding me like the plague.”

Suddenly, the strange distance between the two of them over the last week made more sense. Jace hadn’t done anything wrong except apparently try to get Alec to tell him whatever this secret was. “If you can’t say it out loud yourself, Alexander, maybe Jace could?” Magnus suggested, “Or you could show me? Whatever this is, it won’t change how much I love you.”

Alec swallowed audibly and for a split second Magnus thought he was going to say something. Instead he just bit his lip and shook his head.

“Just show him, Alec,” Jace said, “Magnus can sit back and process while I get to work.”

_Get to work?_ Magnus wasn’t really sure what that meant. Maybe Jace’s earlier statement about being late wasn’t just about telling him whatever it was. Was there something the two of them needed to do that Jace was also insisting Magnus find out about? “Show me, Alexander.”

Whatever Magnus had been expecting Alec to do, unfurling two huge wings covered in dusky white feathers wasn’t it.

Only thanks to centuries of seeing and learning impossible things did Magnus manage to not jerk backwards in sheer surprise. It wasn’t even the wings themselves that was so startling, it was that they were attached to _Alec_. He was thankful his shock didn’t have a visible reaction other than a widening of his eyes because Alec had finally peeked up to look at him. If there had been anything that suggested disgust or distain then he was sure he would have irreparably broken both their relationship and Alec himself as well.

“Some Shadowhunters are born with wings,” Jace explained finally, “It’s pretty rare.”

“It’s an abomination,” Alec whispered, speaking finally just to say something that put a vice around Magnus’ heart.

Before Magnus could even process Alec thinking such a thing about something so beautiful, Jace cut in angrily, “They are not an abomination. _You_ are not an abomination.”

It seemed like something that Jace had said before. It seemed like something Jace had been expecting Alec to say.

Bad enough Alec had been made to feel wrong for who he loved but this, _this_ was worse somehow. This was Alec’s very _body._ This was also probably something he had been born with, which meant that the abusive thinking of Shadowhunter culture had been drilled into his head for probably longer than he even remembered.

“They’re beautiful, Alec,” Magnus said, echoing the words that Alec had once said to him. How could Alec have thought that wings would turn him away? “Truly, you are an angel.”

Alec flinched violently and Jace winced.

“What?” Magnus asked, startled by the reaction. He looked up at Jace in confusion.

“I am not an angel. How dare I masquerade as one, like I could ever be that pure? They’re wrong, they’re a deviation, they’re heretical.” Alec said woodenly. This was something he had said before, something that had been repeated to him over and over again until Alec believed it.

Magnus breathed out slowly, heartbroken for Alec. “Darling, I meant _my_ angel. I call you that all the time. Even still, you’re perfect the way you are.”

Alec shook his head, denying everything that Magnus said.

Jace squeezed his hand on Alec’s shoulder and let go, “Can I get started while you guys talk?”

“Get started?” Magnus asked. He didn’t have the strength to look away from the tear making its way down Alec’s cheek but he was still aware of Jace.

But Jace’s answer was a gesture towards Alec’s wings, so Magnus was forced to turn to look at what Jace was directing him to see. At first, Magnus wasn’t sure what the problem was. There was nothing to look at other than the wings themselves, which Magnus was still trying to visually adjust to. Then, as Jace sat down cross legged in front of a section of Alec’s right wing, the problem became a little more obvious.

He worriedly reached out but managed to keep himself from touching. Alec clearly still didn’t want him to.

“Wings need to be groomed,” Jace explained with something tired in his voice. He reached out and started separating out feathers and straightening them in an experienced sort of way, “Alec hides his away all the time. I do it for him as often as he’ll let me, which is every three months. Takes me a few hours, more if we’ve been in bad fights lately. The more out of place his feathers get, the worse his wings start to hurt.”

Magnus could see what Jace was talking about. Alec’s feathers were twisted around and overlapping. It reminded him of how the cats reacted if their fur was brushed in the wrong direction. This was worse, though, because feathers had a hard shaft. Hell, Magnus had _written_ with literal feathers for years, he knew how pointy and strong they could be. He couldn’t imagine the pain that Alec must feel to have them all in disarray like they were. In some spots there was even blood.

How could Alec let a part of his own body get this bad?

The answer was stunningly simple and heartbreaking: he hated his wings, hated what they represented and he used the pain as penance.

“Alexander, you shouldn’t let them get like this.” He said gently. “I would be happy to help you - ”

“No!” Alec cut him off. He looked away from Magnus and stared over Jace’s head to the balcony, “You can’t, you shouldn’t have to… to… _touch them_. Bad enough Jace…”

“Hey,” Jace said from his spot at Alec’s wing, “I volunteer to do this, remember? I insist on it. If you’d let me do it more often, I’d be thrilled.”

Alec pulled in another of his shuddering breaths but didn’t say anything else.

“I only noticed after we became _parabatai_ ,” Jace continued explaining to Magnus once it was obvious that Alec wasn’t going to keep talking to them. “There was always this low-level pain that he was carrying around, even when we used a healing rune. Even when I drew it myself.”

That made sense. A healing rune might have fixed the spots were the out of align feathers had caused his wings to bleed but it wouldn’t have magically put his feathers to rights.

Thinking about _Alec’s feathers_ was even harder to get used to than _Alec’s wings._

“I couldn’t figure out what it was,” Jace continued, “It literally took me months to get him to tell me and then another couple of months to get him to show me.”

Jace’s hands were practiced and stunningly gentle as they straightened out each feather. Magnus could understand why this apparently took hours. Even though Jace was being careful and Alec wasn’t giving away that it hurt, it had to be causing some sort of discomfort.

“Shouldn’t you draw an _iratze_ before you start? So it will hurt less?” Magnus wondered aloud.

Jace huffed out an angry breath, “Yeah, wow, that is a brilliant idea Magnus. Don’t you agree, Alec?”

That Alec didn’t agree was obvious.

Jace shook his head, “At first he wouldn’t let me touch them either. Then he let me do this. The first time literally took me all day. His wings were an absolute mess and I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. It took me another six months to get him to let me fix them again. Since then I’ve haggled him down to every three months and he hasn’t budged since.”

“That’s not enough, Alexander.” Magnus was aghast. “That’s not nearly enough.”

Alec shook his head, “It’s too often to let Jace dirty his hands.”

Jace looked up at Alec with something like resigned heartbreak in his eyes. He glanced at Magnus and their silent communication said the same things. That Alec didn’t deserve to feel this way about himself, that his wings were beautiful and deserved better care, that they both wanted to do whatever they could to convince him of these things.

Magnus tore his eyes away from Jace to look back at Alec. “Darling, look at me please.” He dropped the glamour from his eyes and waited patiently for Alec to turn to look at him.

Once he did, Alec’s breath caught, “They’re _nothing_ like your eyes, Magnus. Nothing.”

Of course the implication that Alec’s hatred for his wings might spill over onto Magnus’ eyes was what got Alec to say something that wasn’t self-flagellation. “I hardly see the difference, Alec.” Magnus admitted.

Alec shook his head frantically. He reached out and cupped Magnus’ cheek. “You’re _meant_ to have them, Magnus. They’re beautiful, they’re a mark of your power, they’re…”

“No different than your wings, my love.” Magnus finished for him. “If the Angels didn’t want Nephilim to have wings, then you wouldn’t have wings. What’s to say that this doesn’t mark you as special and chosen?”

Alec jerked back and his wings started to fold back up.

“Hey, quit that.” Jace tapped on the wing he had been working on, “Stretch it back out.”

Alec complied probably mostly because he was shocked. Magnus was aware that he had probably just spoken blasphemy or something but he didn’t care. “You know the Clave isn’t right about a lot of things, Alec. Not about our love or the downworlders. Why not about this?”

The way that Alec pulled back into himself reminded Magnus of a child afraid to trust. He seemed to shrink right before his very eyes. His chin pulled in and he looked away from Magnus, his eyes back down to the ground.

Magnus wanted to keep talking about this but he also knew that Alec was reaching his breaking point, if he hadn’t already. If he got too upset, Jace wouldn’t be able to finish and that would simply not do. Alec’s wings were already in a sorry enough state. It couldn’t be allowed to continue.

So Magnus let Alec retreat and think about what had already been said. It gave Magnus a chance to study Jace’s hands and see how he handled Alec’s feathers. Alec might not have been ready to let Magnus touch his wings this time but he apparently had three months to convince him to let him help next time and he was going to be damned if he was unprepared for the honor.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the love shown to the first chapter! I hope this is a welcome follow-up.

The night Alec revealed his wings to Magnus, he ended up sleeping at the Institute. Magnus hadn’t been offended, although he wished that Alec felt comfortable enough to stay with him. Barring that, Magnus was willing to hand him over to his _parabatai_ and give him a chance to rebuild his confidence.

He had made sure to text Alec little nothings the next day and extended an invitation to dinner that Alec had invented an excuse to avoid. The truth of their tenuous position grew more obvious the longer that Alec stayed away from him – an entire and unacceptable nine days. He had thought that their next step would be talking about the wings. Both that they didn’t change what he felt for Alec and about how much Magnus wanted to help him accept them and care for them.

That would be too much too soon, apparently. Alec couldn’t accept his help if he couldn’t even accept that Magnus’ feelings hadn’t changed.

He kept up contacting Alec. First hourly texts, funny things and sweet things and occasionally dirty things. He tried to call at least twice a day and was finally rewarded with Alec’s voice on the fourth day. The next five days of actual conversation were kept purposefully light, no mentions of what Alec was so desperately afraid to discuss. Finally, on the morning of the ninth day he invited Alec to dinner again and this time he hesitantly accepted. At that dinner, Magnus still didn’t talk about his wings and had been rewarded with Alec in his bed that night.

They continued like that for two months.

It was important to Magnus that Alec understand that nothing between them had changed. Alec’s wings didn’t change Magnus’ feelings any more than Magnus’ eyes had changed Alec’s feelings. If not mentioning them altogether got Alec to understand that, then that was how they would start the healing process.

Magnus had also discreetly asked Jace to let it go as well. The blond had readily agreed. Apparently avoidance was the only way that Alec relaxed in between sessions.

Now, two months after Magnus had found out about Alec’s wings and a month before Jace was allowed to groom them for Alec, Magnus was ready to deploy the next phase of his plan. It started with a text to Izzy about a surprise for Alec that necessitated a night off. He needed to make sure that Alec’s evening was free and luckily Izzy, their eternal cheerleader, was more than willing to field any of Alec’s duties that might come up. He told her that he had a job for Jace in this as well and asked her to team up with Clary so that both of her brothers were free. Thankfully, she didn’t ask many questions. Or rather, she asked loads of questions but let Magnus play coy about it.

Next, Magnus had to get Jace on board. He called him immediately after Izzy told him that Alec was in a meeting that Jace wasn’t a part of.

“ _Magnus_?” Jace answered his phone, obviously a little confused. They didn’t normally contact each other outside of the occasional Alec-related text. Magnus should probably rectify that but it could wait.

“Hello, Jace.” Magnus said from his spot lounging on his balcony. “Do you have any plans tonight?”

“ _Umm_ ,” Jace laughed, “ _Patrol with Alec?_ ”

That was promising, “Nothing else?”

Jace sounded incredibly bemused by their entire conversation, “ _No, nothing else. Why?_ ”

“Because we’re going to do his wings again tonight.” Magnus revealed. “Or rather, I hope to do it and if he’s still too skittish to let me touch them then you’re going to do it.”

There was a full thirty seconds of silence on the line. Jace, it seemed, was more shocked than Magnus would have thought. Foolish boy, as if Magnus was going to let Alec keep hating himself and shutting him out if there was anything that he could do to stop it.

“ _Alec, um_ ,” Jace started, “ _Alec agreed to that?_ ” He sounded as skeptical but that Magnus couldn’t blame him for.

One of his visitor cats, a calico who liked to snuggle, jumped into his lap as though it knew he needed something to do with his free hand. He pet it absently as he explained himself to Jace, “He doesn’t know yet. I just spoke with Izzy and she thinks I’ve got some amazing surprise planned for Alec and has agreed to take over the Institute for the night. She knows I’m roping you into helping as well, so you both have the night off.”

Jace let out a long sigh, “ _Magnus_ …”

“I know.” Magnus assured him, “I truly know how upset he’s going to be but this is necessary, Jace.”

“ _I’m not disagreeing_ ,” Jace said, “ _But this is big. I know to you the wings don’t seem like a big deal or dealbreaker or something but to us they’re huge._ ”

“Trust me, Jace, I do understand that. Once, I had to learn what my eyes meant in the worst possible way.” He said, revealing the barest possible details, “I know what it is to hate yourself and be afraid of what it all means. Alec needs this.”

Jace took a second to think over what he had said, “ _That’s definitely true. He would have never told me if I hadn’t been able to feel them through the bond. Izzy doesn’t even know_.”

He had assumed so but it was helpful to have it confirmed. He would have never let on about it to her unless he knew she for sure knew. “Just Maryse and Robert?”

“ _Yeah_ ,” Jace sighed, “ _They really hate his wings_.”

And Magnus really hated them, honestly. He hated all the damage they did to their children in the name of being the perfect Lightwoods. He couldn’t imagine looking down at his perfect little newborn son and feeling disgust. He also couldn’t imagine making his child feel the way that Alec felt about himself even still. Those words that he had repeated, about being an abomination, they were awful. What kind of monsters could do that to their child?

On top of that they clearly had made no efforts to take care of his wings other than to teach Alec to hide them away.

“Has Alec ever groomed them himself?” Magnus asked, because he couldn’t imagine that Alec had managed to get to his teen years without ever having done so. The wounds caused by feathers being twisted or even ripped free were small but even small infections could get to be a big problem.

Jace hesitated, “ _I don’t think you could call it grooming like I do it for him but yeah, he would sort of take care of them. Not enough and not well but still, yes, he did_.”

At least they weren’t starting from zero. “Come here before your patrol starts. I’ll make sure he doesn’t leave early.”

“ _Are we really doing this? You’re sure?_ ” Jace asked seriously. “ _He might react really badly_.”

That was true and it was something that worried Magnus. How could it not? Under no circumstances did he want to hurt his angel but sometimes one had to hurt a little before healing could take place. He had to try.

He loved Alec too much not to try.

“I’m sure.”

**\---**

Magnus did everything he could to keep his cool during dinner. Mostly, he tried to just pretend as though nothing was going to happen afterwards. Alec didn’t seem to suspect anything at least.

They were finally back to where they had been before the wings revelation and Magnus was more than a little fearful of what Alec’s reaction would be. Self-hatred that ingrained was hard to let go of. He tried to think of how Alec had blossomed after he had been open about his sexuality and how good he would feel when this became less of a burden. It helped more than anything else, really.

“I’ll probably be out late,” Alec said to him while they washed up the dishes together. Washing dishes by hand wasn’t something Magnus normally bothered with but somehow the little slice of domesticity with his Shadowhunter had become something he cherished. “I can stay over at the Institute if you’d rather I not wake you up.”

They were reaching the point of outright lying to him and Magnus didn’t want to do that. He turned the water off and dried his hands slowly. Jace would be here any minute.

“What if I said I had a different idea for tonight?” Magnus asked vaguely.

Alec flashed him a grin, “After patrol? I’m listening.”

He was too irresistible not to kiss. Magnus leaned in and pressed his lips to Alec’s softly at first, then harder when Alec responded enthusiastically. It was a kiss just for the connection, not to start anything. He tried to push all the love he had for Alec into it, so it would linger on his lips when Magnus and Jace ambushed him into letting them touch his wings. Or gently encouraged him, hopefully. No ambushes.

The knock on the door forced them to part. His eyes stayed on Alec, even when his angel turned away puzzled. “Who’s that?”

“Jace,” Magnus answered. Before Alec could ask any other questions, Magnus walked away to go let Jace in. He heard Alec following behind him, probably only thinking that his brother was picking him up for patrol early for some reason. He opened the door and found a grimly determined Jace on the other side. “ _Look less like someone died!_ ” Magnus hissed before Alec got close enough to hear.

Jace plastered on a quick grin as Alec came around Magnus’ side. It looked a little sickly if Magnus was being honest but there wasn’t time to do anything about it. It was an improvement, at least.

“Jace? I thought I was meeting you?” Alec asked with a furrowed brow.

Magnus opened the door wider to let the blonde in. The three of them walked into the living room, the steps heavy and silent for two thirds of them.

Before Magnus got a chance to start explaining, Jace whirled back around to face Alec. “Don’t be mad,” He pleaded. Well, there went easing Alec into it.

Alec looked even more confused, “Mad? Why would I be mad that you - ”

Magnus snapped his fingers and suddenly the room was organized the way it was when Jace had tended to Alec’s wings. Chair in the center, furniture moved out of the way so Alec could fully extend his wings.

Alec paled, “What is this?”

“This is us, wanting to take care of you.” Magnus answered and held his hands out placatingly, “That’s not a bad thing, right?” He reached out to run his hand down Alec’s arm but Alec stepped back before he could make contact. This time, he let his face fall just a little. He let Alec see it. It wasn’t to make Alec feel guilty, just to remind him that he wasn’t the only one who felt vulnerable.

Jace watched the exchange carefully, “Magnus just wants to help, buddy. So do I.”

“It’s not time yet,” Alec protested like his three month rule was legally binding or something. “It’s not… Magnus sh…” He trailed off, biting his lip.

“If that sentence was supposed to be _Magnus shouldn’t_ then allow me to correct you,” Magnus said, “Magnus should, Magnus wants to, okay?”

“It’s not okay!” Alec shouted. He stepped back from both of them and turned around, “It’s not okay, Magnus.”

Magnus and Jace traded worried looks. This reaction was what they had been expecting but that didn’t make it any easier to see.

“You’re right, Alec,” Magnus said carefully, “It’s not right that you hate this part of yourself so much that you hide it away and let yourself hurt just because you don’t want to see it. It’s not right that you can’t trust your sister with it. It’s not right that you can’t trust me with it.”

“It’s nothing to do with trust,” Alec said a little hollowly.

Magnus stepped closer, “But it is, Alexander. Either you trust our love for you or you don’t. Has _anything_ been different between us since I found out about your wings? Have I given you any reason to think that I love you less or that your wings are disgusting to me?”

Alec only offered silence in response. The lines of his body were held tense and gave off so much pain that Magnus almost wanted to cry. Just the slightest mention of his wings ruined how relaxed and playful and _happy_ he had been just a little while ago.

With a sigh, Magnus let the point go, “Three months is too long, darling. Your wings shouldn’t get into such disarray that they bleed. What I want is for you to let me tend them for you. If you can’t let me touch them though, well, that’s why Jace is here. The important part is that you get taken care of.”

Jace tapped his fingers against the chair, “Let’s start smaller, okay? Take your shirt off and sit down, _parabatai_.”

Alec took a deep breath before he pulled his t-shirt up and over his head. He turned around to face them and sat down but no wings came free.

The situation felt eerily familiar. Magnus walked around to Alec’s back and caressed the skin between his shoulder blades. Alec shivered at his touch but this time he didn’t throw him off. “Show me again, Alexander.”

Tracking the progress of Alec’s wings unglamouring and appearing was a strange one. Only because Magnus was used to such magic was he able to follow the way that Alec’s back changed. Still, he could watch Alec reveal his wings a hundred times and still not feel that his eyes had logged every second of the process.

In the time it might take someone to blink, Alec went from a regular nephilim to a winged god and Magnus was still baffled that Alec thought this would disturb him.

He rubbed his hand up and down the strip of skin between where Alec’s wings met his back, “Exquisite, Alexander.”

Alec shivered again, or at least that was what Magnus thought it was. It took him far too long to realize that it was just Alec’s shoulders that were shaking.

“Can I touch them?” Magnus asked. He felt like he had asked this of Alec a thousand times in the last two months. Every day when he kissed him, when they touched each other, when he watched Alec move.

And just like all those other times, Alec didn’t say a word.

Magnus tried not to let the disappointment well up in him. Over twenty years hating something of yourself, thinking it dirty and wrong, wasn’t going to be solved so quickly. He just wished it could be.

Jace stepped forward and yet again Magnus was left feeling the sting of jealousy. Jace got to share Alec’s soul, he got to know every second of the day how Alec was feeling or if he was hurt, and now he got to take care of Alec’s beautiful wings when Magnus wasn’t even allowed to touch.

It was _good_ that Alec let Jace groom them, he told himself. He _meant_ it. He was grateful that anyone was allowed to do it.

That didn’t mean that watching Jace do the job he wanted to be doing didn’t hurt though.

Jace sat down in just to the side of Alec and waited for him to stretch his wing out so he could get to work. Nothing happened.

“Hey, this is okay brother.” Jace said gently. He reached out and knocked his hand against Alec’s knee. “I told you Magnus wasn’t going to be scared off so easy, remember?”

It was easier not being resentful of Jace when he was apparently saying things like that to Alec. He didn’t think he had heard such a ringing endorsement of their relationship from Alec’s brother before.

Slowly, Alec’s wing stretched out to let Jace touch it.

Magnus was stuck with a burning desire to see him stretch them both out all the way, preferably outside with the setting sun against his back. He wanted to know everything about these stunning wings. How long was his wingspan? How sensitive were they? Could Alec fly?

Magnus kept his hand on Alec’s back but stayed careful not to touch his wings. Now that he was so close, he could feel the way that Alec’s muscles tensed and reacted to what Jace was doing. “This _does_ hurt.” Magnus breathed out, upset.

Jace glanced up, “It’s not so bad, this time.” He offered, “It’ll go faster.”

Like that was supposed to make him feel better. It just meant that Alec was usually in _more_ pain. How could he celebrate less pain when it shouldn’t exist at all?

Magnus sighed, he felt wrung out and he wasn’t even the one at war with himself. He wasn’t even Jace, who had been fighting this battle with Alec for years. Nothing would discourage him, though, absolutely nothing. Except… possibly just a little… he leaned in to Alec’s ear, “Are you angry with me?”

Waiting for Alec to speak was like a small form of torture. Finally he whispered, “I don’t understand you.” 

“I’m going to take that as a compliment, Alexander.” Magnus whispered back. He made sure to let his lips brush against Alec’s ear and was rewarded with a different kind of shiver. “But a compliment isn’t answering the question.”

Alec’s face turned down again. He buried his head in his crossed arms and even though his voice was muffled Magnus could clearly hear him, “I hate that you know. I hate that anyone knows.”

“I know and I still love you. Jace knows and he still loves you.” Magnus pointed out, “I would call that a decent record. Your parents were wrong to teach you to hate your wings, Alec. You’re still not answering me, by the way.”

Alec was spared having to answer this time by his brother, who had chosen an inconvenient moment as usual. “Magnus is right, Alec,” Jace said earnestly. He shifted over further down Alec’s wing to work on a new section. “You know they’re wrong about so many other things. Why not this?”

Personally, he would have gone as far as to say that the Clave was wrong about more than it was right about. On a good day Alec seemed to agree with him even if he didn’t go as far as to say the words. “I’ve watched you do battle with them and their old prejudices, Alexander. I’ve been in awe at how you’re changing the way the New York Institute works. Being proud and open about who you are, your Downworld cabinet, the way you treat everyone around you… these aren’t easy things, Alec. You’re so brave and your heart is so true. Why is this different?”

“You don’t understand,” Alec sounded like he was crying, “I’m not supposed to have these, these _things._ I’m not an angel.”

“No, technically you’re not,” Magnus agreed. “But you are descendent from one. Recessive traits are a thing, darling.”

Alec just shook his head.

Magnus dragged his fingers up Alec’s back to stroke at his neck, right over his deflect rune. “Personally, I would guess that the wings _do_ mark you as special and the Clave knows it. The Clave hates the idea that someone might be above them, so they’ve done their best to grind down any whisper of the idea that your wings might mark you favored by the Angels. I’m sure they’ve done this so long the truth has been buried under all the jealousy and hatred.”

Alec twisted his head around to stare at Magnus, mouth opened in apparent shock. “That’s not true.” He said a little desperately. His eyes were shining but there was maybe something new in there besides the self hatred and pain.

On the floor, Jace shifted to get at a new section of feathers. There was something on his face too but this was easier for Magnus to identify: Jace was wildly pleased. “I think he’s right, _parabatai_. I think he’s right about all of it but especially the reason why they’re so against Shadowhunters with wings.”

“Even if your wings are just a rare recessive trait, Alexander, I think the mere idea that people might _think_ the Angels had given them to you on purpose would be enough to make the Clave attack.” Magnus said. He could allow for the idea that Alec’s wings really were just a random occurrence but in his heart he didn’t believe it.

Magnus had known a lot of Shadowhunters in his years. Even when he hated them, he could admit that not all of them were bad. There had been many a good warrior and decent person in their ranks through time, some of which he had known and liked personally. That said, there were none like Alec. Not one had gotten so far in revolutionizing the way that Shadowhunters operated under the Clave’s oppressive rule. If there was a Shadowhunter that Angels were going to throw their support behind, it was absolutely Alexander Lightwood.

“You know they hate what’s different, Alec.” Jace said, “We’ve talked about it a thousand times. Laws that should be changed. Ways of operating that could be done better.” He stood up to get at the top of Alec’s wing.

Alec closed his eyes, “Mom and Dad…”

“Are wrong,” Magnus finished, “About a lot of things. You know that.”

“They’re obsessed with status and the family name.” Jace continued for him, “They’re not going to be the ones fighting to change the Clave’s minds. They’d rather change yours and hide what might put their status at risk.”

Alec seemed incapable of saying anything to that. These are all things that he had expressed before about other things. Having his own views thrown back around on him had to be making some kind of headway. He didn’t counter his brother’s words and Magnus didn’t step in to add anything else.

Jace worked quickly through Alec’s first wing before he stepped over to the other. He had been going at it for nearly an hour but was still way ahead of where he had been last time. A month made a difference, which lightened Magnus’ heavy heart.

When the blond finally finished the other wing it was another hour of near silence only broken by occasional encouragements from the two of them. Magnus wanted to say it was a comfortable silence but it was far from it. He wanted to keep talking to Alec, to keep arguing to make him see the truth. Holding back was harder than he could have imagined.

Once Jace was finally finished, he stood and patted Alec’s shoulder, “I think I’m gonna cash in on this night off and go to sleep. I’ll have to break into the Institute to avoid Izzy but that’s no big deal.”

He and Jace hadn’t discussed what was going to happen _after_ so Magnus was sort of touched that he was making it seem like of course Alec was going to stay in the loft for the night.

Alec nodded without looking at his brother, “Thank you,” He whispered. Probably not _thank you for helping me_ , it was probably _thank you for dealing with this blasphemy_.

Jace walked around to Alec’s front and leaned down. He grabbed the back of Alec’s head and pressed their foreheads together, “Always, _parabatai._ ”

And then he left and Alec didn’t follow.

“Of course I want you to stay the night,” Magnus said softly, “But if you _are_ angry with me and you would rather go with Jace, I understand.” It hadn’t escaped his notice that Alec had never answered the question from before.

“How can I be angry with you if I would have done the same thing?” Alec answered. He finally sat up straight and it was so incredibly interesting to Magnus that he hadn’t hidden his wings yet.

It was a relief to hear it, “I was worried.” He admitted. He waved his hand and slid one of his armchairs to face opposite Alec’s. He sat down in a sprawl that suggested a level of relaxation that he absolutely did not feel.

“I’m sorry,” Alec said. For the first time in hours, he caught Magnus’ eye.

Magnus shook his head, “You, Alexander, have _nothing_ to be sorry for.”

Alec stared at him for a long moment. Then, he said, “I would have never told you, if Jace didn’t make me.”

He could tell some of the hurt he felt was showing on his face from the way that Alec’s expression grew guiltier. “Have I done anything that made you think that I would love you less for something so completely out of your control?”

“No!” Alec’s voice raised like the idea had to be violently rejected. He reached out and wrapped his fingers around Magnus’, “No, never.”

“Then why not tell me?” Magnus asked, “Say what you want, darling, but this _is_ about trust. Either you trust me when I say I love you or you don’t.”

Alec squeezed his fingers and sighed, “I hate them, Magnus.” He whispered his confession, “They’ve only ever brought pain and shame. I don’t understand how you and Jace can bear to even look at them.”

Magnus felt a stab of pain in his core. He leaned into Alec’s space and kissed him, “You’re as perfect for me today as you were before I found out about your wings. I think they’re beautiful, Alexander. Absolutely stunning. And I promise I’m telling you the truth when I say that I believe they are a gift that mark you as favored.” He said earnestly when they broke apart.

Alec shook his head but there was something forced about it. They might have finally reached a point where it was less that Alec _did not_ believe him and it was more that he _would not_. There was a distinct difference.

“There’s an account that my father showed me,” Alec started softly. His eyes were still on Magnus but they also weren’t. He was remembering this vividly. Magnus braced himself. “Of a Shadowhunter with wings almost five hundred years ago. She said things like that. That she was chosen by the Angels to lead Shadowhunters to a new age. She got people killed with her subversive ideas. She threatened the exposure of our entire existence.”

“And what did the Clave do?” Magnus asked.

Alec gave him a strange sort of smile that was filled with no joy whatsoever. Magnus hated it. “What they had to do. They had her killed… but first they ripped her wings off.”

Magnus clenched his fist and closed his eyes, “And how old were you when your father showed you this?”

“Seven.”

_Damn Robert Lightwood,_ the disgust Magnus felt was potent enough to bottle. “Have you thought about the source, Alexander? Have you thought about the amount of time they had to write that? That none of the people that she led were around to defend her, nor she around to defend herself?”

“A lot lately,” Alec admitted. He looked up that the ceiling and his wings shifted restlessly. “Since I took over the Institute.”

Magnus’ eyes widened in surprise. He would have never thought that, not with the way that Alec seemed to reject his wings so completely.

Alec glanced back down at him and quirked his lips bitterly, “If they could discredit me and wipe out everything I’ve done to ease relations between the downworlders and the Institute they would. If they ever found out about my wings…”

“They won’t.” Magnus said firmly. “And if they do I won’t let them hurt you.” The mere idea of Alec being mutilated and killed like the long dead Shadowhunter that he had read about was horrifying.

“Maybe there’s a chance that my wings don’t mean what the Clave says they do.” Alec seemed like he was having a hard time saying that out loud. “But they’re still awful to have, Magnus. They get people killed. They’ve made my parents treat me like I’m wrong my entire life. Maybe I _am_ wrong to have them. We’ll probably never know.”

Magnus moved to the edge of his seat and pulled Alec’s face into his hands. “Maybe. Maybe not.” He pressed a kiss to Alec’s lips. “All you can do is continue on the path you have, being an honorable leader of Shadowhunters, being an amazing brother, being a wonderful boyfriend. If you keep doing what you know is right, you might get your answers someday.” He paused and gave Alec a soft smile, “Continue on as you have been, with a little less self-loathing and a little more wing maintenance.”

“Easy for you to say,” Alec answered, “You _like_ them.”

He turned his head to fully study the wings that were folded in tight to Alec’s back, “I do.” He admitted, “But then I like every inch of you so it really shouldn’t be a surprise.”

“It _is_ , Magnus,” Alec breathed out like he was really and truly stunned by Magnus’ acceptance. “You have no idea how afraid I was.”

Magnus was still surprised by that, “Can I be honest with you, Alexander?” He waited for Alec’s hesitant nod, “I don’t understand how you could have been worried. I told you on our first date, I’ve been with djinn, vampires, warlocks… many different beings with many different bodies. I have cats’ eyes. My best friend has blue skin. Ragnor had horns. I’ve known hundreds of warlocks with hundreds of different warlock marks. They’ve never disgusted me. Why would you?”

“When you say it like that, I guess it makes sense.” Alec admitted, “Jace said you wouldn’t be disgusted. I just…” He shrugged.

“Got so afraid that you couldn’t think straight?” Magnus finished. “I suppose I can understand that.”

“It was never that I thought… I don’t know…” Alec shifted in his seat and tilted his head to try and think of how to express what he wanted to. Magnus gave him the space to figure it out. After a few beats, Alec said, “Thinking that you would hate my wings was never thinking badly of _you._ It was more that I think so highly of you. I know that doesn’t make sense.”

It didn’t, really, but Magnus was pretty sure he understood what Alec was getting at. There was probably some combination of the misguided belief of Alec’s that Magnus was better than him with a dash of Magnus wouldn’t lower himself to stay with the freak Shadowhunter thrown in. “I suppose I understand. I’ll just have to work harder to change your mind.”

Alec closed his eyes and shook his head, “I know you love me.”

“But some part of you doesn’t understand why and doesn’t understand the depth of it. We’ll get there.” He vowed. It was heartbreaking on a number of levels but perhaps the worst of all was that if _Magnus_ had revealed wings to _Alec_ he was absolutely sure that Alec would love them as much as he had loved Magnus’ eyes. That was just who he was.

Magnus was broken from his dark thoughts by Alec’s nearly inaudible voice. “I’m sorry, darling, I was thinking. I didn’t hear you.” Magnus apologized.

Alec glanced at him before looking away towards the windows. “I said, um, if you want you can, you know… touch them.”

Magnus searched Alec’s face for some hint that this was only an offer made out of a misguided desire to make up for how he had felt before. If Alec only wanted to let Magnus touch his wings because he felt he had to do penance or something, then he wouldn’t do it. Alec certainly looked uncomfortable with the idea but there was nothing genuinely upset on his face anymore. Not like before when he flinched away from the mere idea that Magnus might touch them.

He reached out slowly, giving Alec enough time to change his mind, but his angel didn’t flinch away. Magnus reached for the top curve on the wing that Alec was facing in his efforts to look at the sky and not at Magnus. He wanted Alec to see him coming. Alec’s eyes didn’t turn down to watch the path of his hand but Magnus was certain that he was aware of every millimeter his fingertips drew closer.

When his hand finally made contact, his first thought was at how _soft_ the feathers were. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, he had touched many a feather before, but these seemed preternaturally downy. He stroked his fingers down the top curve and trailed down the side.

His eyes had been locked on the point of contact so it took him a few seconds to pull back from his awe and realize that Alec was finally looking at his hands. His mouth was parted just a little and Magnus wasn’t sure what to make of the expression on his face. “Is this okay?”

“Yes.” Alec breathed.

“Does it hurt?” Magnus pressed.

Alec shook his head ever so slightly, “No.”

Magnus wanted to ask what his touch felt like. Did having his wings touched translate out more like having his arm touched or more like having his hair touched? There was time for questions later, though. As long as Alec was willing to let him do this and as long as it didn’t hurt, Magnus was content to leave those things for later.

Instead he gently gripped the edge of Alec’s wing in his hand and leaned in for a kiss.

When Alec kissed back, it felt like victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Alec is faced with the choice between his secret and his life. 
> 
> Feedback is love!


	3. Chapter Three

Magnus stopped pretending that Alec didn’t have wings.

He thought that part of the reason why Alec had gone from so completely against letting him close to letting him touch his wings in the span of an evening was because he had sat there with them out and exposed the entire time and Magnus hadn’t once reacted badly. Time was clearly a factor.

Or maybe having his rational arguments repeated over and over again was doing something.

It was probably a combination and that was absolutely fine. He was all in for a multi-point plan of attack.

It wasn’t only for helping Alec accept his wings either. That was a huge factor but Magnus also had ulterior motives. One, he liked seeing Alec blush when he lavished praise and compliments on him and here were two beautiful parts of Alec that hadn’t gotten much of either. That had to be rectified.

Secondly, he had questions. A lot of questions. He had wing questions that Alec probably didn’t even have answers to but damn if that was going to stop him from asking.

So their time together was now peppered with little comments about them.

_“If you stretched your wings all the way out, how long would they measure?”_

_“I’ve caught myself looking at books of Renaissance artwork of angels and thinking that none of them have anything on you, darling.”_

_“Do you have any idea how badly I want to touch your wings again?”_

_“What do you think the differences in Nephilim feathers versus regular feathers would be in potion work? Would you be willing to give me a feather to test?”_

_“If we went out on the balcony at sunset to make out, do you think you would be willing to wrap your wings around us? It’s an unexpected fantasy I’m having.”_

_“Do you think you can fly? If I found you a small cliff with water underneath, would you like to try?”_

_“Have you ever walked with your wings stretched out? Does it mess with your center of gravity? You wouldn’t fall over or anything, would you?”_

_“Would you like having your wings stroked, possibly?”_

And so on.

Alec, sweet thing that he was, didn’t seem to be able to say anything in response to these questions and comments. Occasionally he stammered out something that, if Magnus were to take out all of the _umms_ and _uhhs_ , did not equate out to a full sentence let alone a coherent answer.

He had gotten a text from Jace that read: _Alec just spent four minutes trying to repeat back something you said about his wings, Central Park and some kind of low backed tank top. I don’t really get what he was trying to say but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that red or that unable to talk. Keep up the good work._

Part of his multi-point attack plan involved shopping for wing-accessible clothing. _Of course_ it did.

A man could dream.

He knew his hard work was paying off when he walked in on Alec in his admittedly huge closet standing in front of a full sized mirror shirtless with his wings exposed, just staring at himself.

“What a pleasant surprise,” Magnus purred as he stepped closer to Alec. He stroked his fingers down Alec’s arm and waited to see what kind of reception he would get. If Alec seemed like he was too overwhelmed, Magnus wouldn’t touch his wings until invited.

Alec didn’t really react to his touch or even what he had said. He just stared at himself like he was trying to reconcile the image in the mirror. “They’re weird. I’m trying to see them the way you do but I don’t.”

“Weird is slightly better than what you were saying before, so I suppose I’ll take it.” Magnus sighed, “Maybe it would help if you pictured them on someone else?”

“What do you mean?” Alec asked.

Magnus stepped closer so he was right beside Alec. He waved his hand over the mirror and suddenly, it was him standing there with wings. “Does that disgust you?”

Alec reared back as though Magnus had struck him, “No! Magnus you could never…”

“Because I’m a warlock and they wouldn’t be wrong on me?” Magnus said, even though he was aware that it probably wasn’t what Alec had been about to say. He waved his hand again and this time it was Izzy standing there with wings. “How about Isabelle?” Another flash of magic, “Or Max?”

Alec pulled in a shaking breath as he looked at his winged baby brother. Magnus knew that the sight of a child with wings would do more to make Alec realize how wrong his parents had been than anyone else.

“Could you imagine loving him less if he had been born like you?” Magnus asked softly.

“No,” Alec shook his head, his mouth open in some strange combination of emotion and maybe a little horror. The right kind, this time. Magnus tweaked the magic just a little so that Mirror-Max looked up at Alec and smiled.

“If nothing about your feelings for Max would change if he had wings, why would Izzy’s feelings for you change if she found out the truth? She was raised the same way you were.” Magnus pointed out. “Jace obviously doesn’t care.”

Alec shrugged. Given the emotion on his face, the dismissive gesture looked forced. “He’s my _parabatai_.”

Like that meant that Izzy loved Alec any less than Jace did. “He has a different relationship with you than anyone else does, true, but that doesn’t mean it’s _more._ I’m not saying tell Isabelle tomorrow, if you’re really not ready, I’m just saying that when you are ready, she’ll love you the same. You know, sort of like how Jace told you I would love you the same and then it turns out that I do.”

“I understand.” Alec said.

He didn’t, really… but he _would._ Magnus wouldn’t stop until he did.

He studied Alec’s face, his Shadowhunter was absolutely mesmerized by the sight of Max with wings. So rarely in his centuries had Magnus wished for the ability to read minds. It seemed more trouble than it was worth, honestly. In this moment, however, he very much wished he could know what Alexander was thinking. Which of his arguments made more headway? What did he truly think when he saw Max and Izzy with wings?

Alec stood still as a statue in front of the mirror and Magnus couldn’t help but think of Greek works of art depicting the very same thing. Alec’s wings looked as breathtaking as ever.

His eyes narrowed as he noticed a flash of red in the soft white of the folded in wings. His heart dropped because he knew instantly it was blood. They were coming up on three weeks since Jace had last groomed Alec’s wings and Magnus had been silently planning for the next session.

His gaze went from appreciative to critically analyzing as he scanned over Alec’s wings. They didn’t look to be in bad shape at all. Or at least, the one in his line of sight didn’t. Other than the spot dotted in blood, there were only a few areas where the feathers could use some tending.

“Alexander?” Magnus asked softly.

Alec barely managed to tear his eyes from the mirror. He looked almost a little dazed. “Yes?”

“Your wing is bleeding,” Magnus pointed at the spot but didn’t dare reach out.

Instead of trying to look at the injury, he turned back to the mirror. “You know, I always wondered if my parents had Max as a back-up to carry on the Lightwood name in case the Clave found out about my wings and executed me.”

It was as though Alec was specially designing his words to drive a dagger in Magnus’ heart. How was he supposed to just stand there and not start cursing Robert and Maryse when Alec said things like that? “Maybe, maybe not. You’re not going to be executed, so it doesn’t really matter. Right now, though, my concern is with the fact that you’re bleeding.”

“Doesn’t hurt.” Alec answered absently. There was even a decent chance that he was telling the truth. He was probably so used to it, the lack of pain that came after his wings were groomed was probably the more abnormal sensation to him.

Magnus sighed, “Well, it’s hurting me. Can I fix it?”

That, at last, got an actual reaction. Alec flinched and turned to really look at him. “What?”

“Heal it?” Magnus wiggled his fingers in front of Alec to remind him how that usually worked, “Sort out the feathers so you don’t just start bleeding again later? I would let you do it yourself but first, I don’t trust you to and second, not even a flexibility rune is going to get your hands in the right spot to do it and your eyes at the right angle to see what you’re actually doing.” He pointed again, in case Alec had forgotten. The blood was right behind his shoulder. Only one hand would have been able to get to the spot and he would have needed to contort into uncomfortable shapes to see the feathers even in the mirror.

It was just another example of how genuinely monstrous Alec’s parents were. It wouldn’t have mattered how dedicated Alec was been to wing grooming, he wouldn’t be able to do it all himself. So, until Jace had come along and insisted, Alec had literally no help to get to the spots he couldn’t manage on his own.

There was time later to brood about Robert and Maryse though. Now he had the love of his long life in front of him staring at him like Magnus wasn’t real. “Alec, can I please take care of this for you?”

Some part of him was waiting to be rebuffed yet again. He knew how it would go, Alec would refuse and emotionally shut down on him then Magnus would be forced to call Jace both to fix Alec’s wings and to pull him back out of his shell. The sting of that rejection was already welling up inside of him and he was truly powerless to stop it.

Until Alec nodded.

Magnus’s breath caught. He wanted to ask if Alec was sure but he also didn’t want to break whatever spell had come over his wondrous boy.

Ever so slowly, he wrapped a hand around Alec’s bicep and directed him to curl his shoulder forward to give him some room to work. Alec’s eyes were so intently watching him that Magnus could feel it even if he wasn’t meeting the stare.

Once he had the bloodied feathers better exposed, he reached out with blue tendrils of healing magic already curling around his fingers. Once his magic touched the wound, a full body tremor went through Alec and Magnus jerked back, hand falling away and magic pulling back. “Did that hurt?” He asked with no small amount of panic in his voice.

“No,” Alec said hoarsely, “No, it’s just… they’re, um, they’re a little sensitive and that felt like… like…” He stopped and took a deep breath, “It didn’t hurt.”

“Okay,” Magnus said slowly. Normally he found Alec adorable when he got so flustered that he couldn’t string together a coherent sentence and while that wasn’t _not_ adorable it also wasn’t wildly reassuring. “So I can try again?”

Alec seemed unwilling to say anything else, probably for the best, so instead he just nodded firmly. It was more reassuring than his attempted explanation at least.

Magnus moved slowly, giving him a chance to change his mind, and raised his fingers back up to try again. When his magic made contact Alec didn’t flinch but Magnus could feel the shiver run down his skin. It was… _interesting._

Luckily, the wound was relatively minor in comparison to what Alec normally showed up with and within seconds he was healed. Magnus flicked his fingers and cleaned off the blood. Once that was done, he gently started fixing the feathers that were twisted up with their neighbors.

The whole process took about a minute and a half. It seemed so strange that one of the most critical events of their relationship could happen in ninety seconds.

Magnus wasn’t really sure where to go from there. He could clearly see that there were other places that his hands could be put to work but was Alec comfortable enough to let him? Would asking just upset him and end this strange peace? Would _not_ asking be crossing a line?

The questions worked him into such a panic it took him a few seconds to register what was happening right in front of his eyes. Alec extended his wing out just enough so he could curl it forward and show Magnus another spot that he hadn’t yet noticed. There wasn’t as much blood. It was barely visible in the low lighting of his walk in closet. Still, Alec was showing it to him. Without words, he was asking for Magnus’ help.

Magnus laughed, admittedly a little tremulously, but he hoped Alec realized how incredibly happy he was. Just in case, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Alec’s shoulder.

Then, he got to work.

 

**\---**

 

Battling on New York rooftops twenty floors up sounded much better than it actually was. The aesthetic was great, sure, but in practice it wasn’t something Magnus wanted to do. It was even less of something he wanted to do when he was fighting alongside his Shadowhunters.

The demon attack had been unexpected. Magnus, Alec, Jace, Clary and Izzy had only been out walking back from dinner, not patrolling, which was why Magnus was even with them. Five months ago, in response to Jace and Alec’s ‘fight’, Izzy had forced them all start having occasional family dinners. Being included was touching and strange and made him even more protective of these strange Shadowhunters that he was suddenly tied to.

The demons, ugly things that they were, had wings and vicious claws that they absolutely knew how to use with lethal effect. Alec had kept him updated on the pack of them that had been terrorizing the city for weeks. That pack, they guessed, had about eleven members and they had managed to kill three so far.

This attack was not eight demons versus four Shadowhunters and the High Warlock of Brooklyn. _That_ would have been easy. They would have been done ages ago.

No, this was an absolute _herd_ of demons versus four lightly bleeding, very exhausted Shadowhunters and a nearly drained High Warlock.

The situation was not great, to put it lightly.

He and Izzy had been separated from the other three for what felt like eternity. His world had mostly narrowed down to the demon right in front of him, Izzy’s back against his and the crack of her whip. Whenever he could he looked at the others but it wasn’t always possible to see them through the wall of demons. Once, he sent a blast of magic towards a demon about to dive in at Clary’s blindspot and once an arrow had appeared out of nowhere to slow down a demon coming at him.

“If I cut two of their limbs off, then I win. That’s how this is supposed to work.” A panting Izzy had said three demons ago. He agreed with her, these things would just not stay down.

He sent another blast of magic towards one of them and cursed when it didn’t pack quite the punch that it had before.

Thankfully, their luck was changing. Slowly the tide started to turn. Less demons were coming to fill the void that the one before had left. He could see all the ichor littering the rooftop and felt a surge of satisfaction. They were winning.

The clearing of the air gave him a chance to check in on Alec. He hated that they had been separated, that he couldn’t fight at his angel’s side and protect him. Alec looked okay, though, and Magnus felt a sigh of relief come to ease the knot of worry that had been twisting up inside of him. There was a cut high on Alec’s forehead that was leaking a little blood down his face but otherwise he looked uninjured. Tired, certainly, but they all were. Magnus felt ready to lay down with Alec and fall into a fifteen hour coma.

He could see Jace occupied with one of the remaining demons and Alec turned his back on the one he had just killed to help his brother.

His eyes and Alec’s locked for a split second that felt like a soothing balm on his frazzled nerves. His Shadowhunter quirked a smile at him and Magnus could clearly see that Alec also hated being cut off from him and Izzy.

Movement caught his attention from above. One of the winged bastards was hanging above Alec, dropping with his claws extended… “Alec! Above you!” Magnus cried. He sent a ball of fiery magic towards the demon and cursed when it dropped under it at the last second.

Clary saw what Magnus was seeing, she and her blade ran full tilt towards Alec and Magnus tried to do the same. There was too much between them. Space _and_ demons.

Alec barely had a chance to react before the demon grabbed him by the shoulders and lifted him clear off the ground. The swing of his legs getting jerked out from under him knocked Alec’s bow out of his grip but he managed to snatch up the arrow. Alec jammed the tip into the beast’s leg and got it to drop him. Luckily he was only a few feet off the ground and he landed on his feet. Magnus finally sucked in a breath, relieved.

Until the demon dove back down.

Another demon hit Clary from the back, sending her sprawling onto the rooftop. Jace was still battling his own demon. Izzy and Magnus were too far away. _Oh Angel, please let him be okay!_

The creature yanked Alec up with such force Magnus was half convinced that Alec’s arm was going to dislocate from his shoulder. Alec tried to twist around, to break the thing’s grip on him… until it flew him over the edge of the roof.

He could hear the pounding of his heart in his ears as the demon struggled with Alec ten feet up from them. Ten feet wasn’t so bad for a Shadowhunter to fall. Ten feet up from twenty stories without any runes activated to even give him a chance at landing alive was a whole different equation.

He heard Jace scream Alec’s name in sheer terror. Even if Jace could throw a dagger or get Alec’s bow to shoot the thing, Alec was still suspended too high up to survive a fall.

He had to get closer, he _had_ to make it to Alec in time. His magic was the only thing that could save him if he fell.

Magnus sent a fireball of pure fury at the demon who was working to separate him from his love. He didn’t have time to save energy. As long as he had enough to pull Alec back up then nothing else mattered.

With the demon in front of him dead, Magnus had a clear line to Alec’s side of the roof. He took off at a run, desperate to get there in time but before he could get more than a few steps a punishing weight hit him from the side and knocked him down. He couldn’t see Alec, “ _No!_ ”

Izzy’s whip wrapped around its neck and pulled it off of him. Magnus rolled to the side and got two seconds to see Alec before the demon holding him just… _let go_.

“Alec!” Izzy cried out.

Magnus held out his hand, ready to try to suspend him from even this distance but he was too far away and gravity moved too fast. In an instant, Alec was gone from his sight.

He felt his heart stop. Alec couldn’t live through a drop like that, no one else could pull him up…

Jace lunged over the edge of the roof and screamed the one word that built a spark of hope in Magnus.

“ _Wings_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will Alec decide and if he does choose his life over his secret, will it be enough to save him?
> 
> More coming next week! Happy New Year's to everyone!


	4. Chapter Four

_Izzy’s whip wrapped around its neck and pulled it off of him. Magnus rolled to the side and got two seconds to see Alec before the demon holding him just… let go._

_“Alec!” Izzy cried out._

_Magnus held out his hand, ready to try to suspend him from even this distance but he was too far away and gravity moved too fast._

_He felt his heart stop. Alec couldn’t live through a drop like that, no one else could pull him up…_

_Jace lunged over the edge of the roof and screamed the one word that built a spark of hope in Magnus._

“ _Wings_!”

Magnus scrambled up and ran to Jace’s side. He tried to read the expression on Jace’s face; had Alec spread his wings and tried to fly to save himself? Was he even capable of it? Was he dead on the pavement below? There was nothing but terror to see in Jace’s face.

When Magnus finally reached the edge, he almost hesitated. Whatever had happened had already come to pass. He was afraid to lean over and see Alec dead on the ground below.

He couldn’t not know, he had to see. If there was any chance… He looked.

Alec _was_ on the ground. He was so small, hard to see because they were so high up. His wings were spread, leaving him a broken angel on the pavement. “Jace, Jace is he…”

“He’s not dead,” Jace almost choked and Magnus could immediately hear Izzy gasp from behind them, “He… he tried to fly. He glided a little but he still… he _fell_ , Magnus, he’s hurt. It’s bad.” There was something wild in Jace’s eyes that said he was hanging on to sanity by a string, which meant that _Alec’s life_ was hanging on by a string.

Izzy skidded over to the ledge and pulled in something close to a sob as she looked over, “Fly? What… Jace are those…?”

“Go! We’ve got this,” Clary called and Magnus turned back to see the redhead looking worried and confused but determined.

Clary’s yell jerked Izzy out of her shock. She turned to Magnus, “Go, just get to him, please!”

They could handle the demons left.

Magnus felt ever so slightly ashamed that he had completely forgotten them when he turned his back on the fight. He had left Clary and Izzy, just as terrified as he and Jace, and just run away. Alec wouldn’t like it but if they didn’t move, he wouldn’t get the chance to be disappointed in him. He opened a portal that would lead right to Alec’s side, because the thought of going down all those stairs and wasting those precious moments was too much to bear.

He and Jace raced through. Stepping out onto the street took too long, taking the few extra steps to Alec’s side felt too long, everything felt like it took a small eternity that Alec didn’t have. The split second that he froze in front of Alec was unforgivably time-consuming.

“ _Oh my angel_ ,” Magnus whispered. Alec was half on his side, wings out and body bloodied. His right leg and right wing were bent wrong, clearly and visibly broken. His chest almost looked like was caving in on one side, his head was a mess of torn bloodied skin and his arm was trapped under him in a way that made it clear it wasn’t properly joined to his shoulder. There was a gurgling sound in his ruined ribcage and yet it was somehow beautiful to Magnus. His Alexander had fallen so far but he was still breathing and still trying to stay with them.

He dropped to his knees at Alec’s side and held his hands out, nearly drained and paralyzed with uncertainty. Where to start? What if he chose wrong? He reached into his pocket and threw his phone at Jace, who knelt behind Alec’s wings and stared at the damage in disbelief. “Call Catarina.”

Jace caught the phone but fumbled it in shaky hands in a way that Magnus had never seen from him before, “Heal him!” He begged a little hysterically.

Magnus pulled his magic towards Alec’s chest and tried to work on his lungs themselves. He needed Alec laid out flat, he needed more magic, he needed _help_. “I’m trying but I need Cat! Call her, I can’t save him myself!”

Jace finally started moving.

Alec’s lungs were punctured in more places than Magnus knew how to heal all at once. “Stay with me, darling.” How could he still be breathing? “Draw an _iratze_.” He demanded.

“Are you Catarina?” Jace asked into the phone he had pressed between his shoulder and his ear. He pulled a stele out of his pocket and quickly ran it over his brother’s skin. It took but fizzled quickly, maxed out before it had even truly begun to heal. “Magnus needs you to portal here now, please, my brother, Alec’s hurt. Alec is…” _dying, nearly dead, impossibly alive._

“Quickly Cat!” Magnus yelled so she would hear. Jace gasped out an address while his hands hovered over Alec.

He reached his other hand out to wrap around Alec’s back, so he could feel how badly he was twisted around and broken. “You’re going to be okay, Alexander. Don’t leave us.” Could he be moved? When was that safe? He couldn’t think straight and Jace was even worse off. They needed Cat for more than just her magic.

The sound of a portal behind him caught Magnus’ attention but he didn’t dare look away from Alec.

A single footstep before she skidded to what was probably a shocked standstill, “Oh Magnus,” Cat whispered just loud enough to be heard over the frantic pounding of his own heart and Alec’s agonized attempts to breathe. She took another half step forward and he knew what she thought.

“He’s still alive!” He insisted with desperation, “Help me!”

It was probably more borne of pity than any belief that he was right but she dropped down beside him and her magic reached out for Alec, “Magnus,” She said again. _It’s too late. He’s too hurt. Just help him pass. This cannot be healed._

“I don’t care if it takes me months to heal him completely, Cat! Just help me save him,” He begged. He meant it, he would nurse Alec back to health for _years_ if that was what it took. He would do anything to fix this. He just needed help to get Alec through this immediate aftermath.

Cat let out a harsh breath but it was her sound of determination. She started working in tandem with Magnus’ magic, guiding him with her knowledge.

The two of them worked silently in a way that only those who had done so for decades could. After what felt like forever but wasn’t, Cat muttered to Jace, “Slowly, _slowly_ , lift him up and onto his back so that wing doesn’t get more bent. I know it’ll be uncomfortable to lay him on his back with his wings out but it’s the lesser of the evils right now. Don’t touch his chest.”

Jace jolted into action. His hands were shaky but reverent as they slid under Alec’s body in places that seemed less hurt. He pulled Alec up just a few inches before he let his _parabatai_ lean carefully back onto his arms so he could get Alec laying flat. Once Alec was down, he freed his hands from under Alec but he didn’t let go. Instead, he drew another _iratze._ Even if Alec didn’t have enough strength to lend it or it couldn’t do enough to heal him, every little bit helped. He kept one hand on Alec’s other only skinned and bruised shoulder and held the other out to the two of them. “Take my strength. Take all of it.”

Magnus knew instantly who should have it, “Cat,”

She didn’t hesitate to reach out and grip Jace’s hand. “Magnus, everything on his chest.” If they couldn’t get his ribcage fixed and, more importantly, pull the bone shards out from where they were tangled in his lungs, there was nothing else to be done.

His focus on Alec was so complete that his world wound down to Alec in front of him and Cat beside him. He barely heard Izzy and Clary coming bursting out of the building. He wasn’t really aware of them until Izzy was pressing her hand into his. “Let me help, Magnus, please.” She cried.

He pulled on her strength and felt the effect instantly. She was tired but she still had much to give.

Slowly, Alec’s chest stopped looking so concave, so _wrong._ Every so often Jace drew healing and stamina runes on Alec to lend him whatever he could. Cat directed Magnus through draining Alec’s lungs of blood then re-inflating the one that had collapsed. He felt the sweat rolling down the side of his face from the work.

Cat said, “Clary, in a moment you’re going to switch with Jace.” That the girl was willing to lend her strength went without saying. She was dancing in place behind Jace, one hand on his shoulder and one hand hovering over Alec like she wanted to help but didn’t know how.

“Take what you need from me.” Jace said, voice determined.

“We’re going to need your help again later and I need to get to work on whatever head injury he’s got. If pressure is building in his brain then we have to take care of that before the rest of it. I need a fresh source.” Cat explained, “On three. One. Two. Three.” She let go of Jace and grabbed the hand that Clary had ready.

Having to triage what to deal with filled Magnus with a shaky sort of pain. He wanted to fix everything but he knew that some things were more pressing than others. This wasn’t something they were going to heal in one session, especially his badly broken wing. He knew nothing about the skeletal system of winged creatures and he was pretty sure Cat didn’t either. How could he have been so stupid as to not begin researching that once he found out about Alec’s?

He watched Cat pull away from helping him to focus on Alec’s bloodied head. How had such a simple battle gone so wrong? How could those demons take down the love of Magnus’ life? He wished he had it to do over again. He should have thrown every drop of his power into incinerating them in one swoop. Dangerous for his own health but then he wouldn’t be here, desperately trying to put his angel back together again.

Whatever stability Cat giving him an active role in helping Alec gave Jace was drained from him the second that she moved on to new source of strength. Magnus watched his face go from scared and determined to outright shattered. He shifted a little further up Alec’s side so Clary could kneel down more on Cat’s level and ducked his lips close to Alec’s ear and started whispering. Magnus could only catch little bits of it, _”You can’t leave me.”_ and “ _We love you so much.”_ – words that made a tear roll down Magnus’ cheek.

_Please Alec…_

The minutes dragged on and Izzy started to list to one side. Still, Alec’s determined little sister didn’t pull back and didn’t give a moment’s complaint. She activated a stamina rune and held tightly to him. He could see she wanted to ask him how Alec was doing but she didn’t want to tear his attention away.

He wouldn’t have had an answer for her anyway.

“Cat,” He said softly. “What next?”

“This head injury is bad, Magnus.” She answered as if he couldn’t see, “The brain is a tricky thing.”

Izzy traded a look with Clary, “What does that mean?” Clary asked.

Cat didn’t say anything but Magnus knew what she was thinking. Some things could never be fixed no matter how much magic was thrown at it. It was why he couldn’t save Ragnor, it was why he might be able to fix Alec’s body but never really get him back. Magic had limits, same as their runes.

Saying those words were impossible. The girls would understand even without them.

“Jace,” Cat said, “Do you know how to splint a leg?”

“I can do it,” Izzy said instantly. “I’m better at it,” That was probably true given her position in the Institute. Jace met his sister’s eyes and nodded to agree with her. He got up from his spot by Alec’s head and moved so he was kneeling just behind Izzy. He held his hand out and Magnus grabbed his instead.

Then Izzy was up like a flash and Cat waved her hand to make materials for a split appear hovering over the dirty, bloodied pavement.

“I can splint his wing.” Magnus heard Jace tell them. “I looked into how years ago. I’ll need a lot of bandages, though.”

There was a startled movement down by Alec’s leg and even though she wasn’t asking, Magnus knew Izzy was burning with the need to understand these wings her big brother had been hiding.

Jace noticed Izzy’s reaction and hesitated before he kept talking, “I’ll have to wait until Izzy gets his leg splinted and when you say he can be turned. I need to get at the whole thing.”

They would probably end up letting Jace do that when they had everything else stabilized. Magnus was under no illusions that he and Cat were healing Alec completely here. They were just keeping him alive long enough to get him home.

He took a deep breath and refocused his attention.

_Stay with us, Alec._

_Please, darling, don’t leave me yet._

 

**_\---_ **

 

Hours later Magnus felt an almost numb tingle in his limbs and could honestly not say if it was fear or magical exhaustion. Both, probably. He was sprawled in a chair he had physically dragged beside the bed from the study as opposed to conjured up because every ounce of magic he had needed to go straight into Alec.

Jace and Izzy were asleep in his living room, stretched out on the same couch holding onto each other. He could hear Clary puttering around in his kitchen but she had only just started so he probably still had some more time alone with his angel.

He could hardly pull his eyes from Alec’s prone form laying pale and still on the bed. Magnus tried to look him over critically and impartially, to see Alec as just another person to heal, but it was nearly impossible. He was both clinging to hope and pessimistically terrified. Those two emotional extremes left him unable to look at Alec and truly understand what was happening.

He needed to sleep. He needed to recover more strength so he could do more. Cat told him now was a good time because Alec was so weakened that he wouldn’t be able to take much more magic. What she meant was that if they couldn’t do anything more to heal him for a while then it was an ideal time for Magnus to rebuild his magical supply. What he _heard_ was that Alec was still on a razor’s edge and he needed to stay awake and alert in case a crisis tried to pull Alec away from him.

Rest would come later. Maybe when Jace was awake again, so that way he could use their bond to monitor Alec more closely than anyone else could do with sight alone.

Until then, he watched Alec obsessively.

His ribcage had been mostly put back together. The bones were still incredibly fragile. The slightest pressure could snap one, because they had been so completely shattered inwards on impact. Seeing the side of Alec’s chest that way was horrific. The images would never leave him, nor would the sound of him trying to pull in air through lungs so damaged.

Magnus had also managed to mostly heal those as well. At least enough that they weren’t actively bleeding anymore. They were still badly injured and Alec would have to work hard to help them grow stronger as they healed. Cat had conjured up an oxygen machine for him and the mask was fitted over his bruised face to help him breathe. Having to resort to mundane help was strange to Magnus but he would do whatever it took to help Alec.

Cat had put his arm back in the joint manually. The swelling was going to have to help itself. His painful looking but non-life threatening cuts and scrapes, some sections so raw they looked more like meat than Alec, had been cleaned by hand by Jace and Isabelle. Unless those wounds were deep enough to be life threatening, Magnus and Catarina couldn’t bother with them. Alec was covered in bandages with little spots of blood seeping through. He would need those changed soon enough.

His leg and wing were still splinted. Cat had promised to do some research into the bone structure in Alec’s wing so she could get a better sense of how to fix it so Alec would retain full range of motion.

After this, once Alec was healed completely, Magnus was finding him that small cliff he had mentioned weeks ago and Alec was going to learn to fly. He didn’t get a say in the matter anymore. He was never again going to get hurt because he had half plummeted, half glided down to earth.

His head injury was trickier than the rest of it. His skull wasn’t fractured anymore. Cat had done what she could to ease the swelling and bleeding. Time would tell.

An immortal should have patience. Magnus had none to offer.

“Magnus?”

He jerked his head up and saw Clary standing in the doorway to his bedroom with a tray and a hesitant expression on her face. “Come in, Biscuit.”

She walked towards him almost silently, as though she might wake Alec. “He still looks pale,” She said, “But that bruising up by his hairline looks better.”

By _better_ she meant _less blackened._ It was true all the same. He was partly so pale due to blood loss however, so Magnus was barely reassured.

Clary set a tray down on the foot of the bed, well away from Alec’s set but still broken leg. “I made you some toast and tomato soup. I wanted to get in there before Izzy woke up.”

Magnus mustered up a smile for her and grabbed some toast to eat not because he was hungry but because food would help his magic replenish. “Thank you, Clary.”

“If there’s anything else I can do, please tell me.” Clary said seriously. She looked so incredibly determined that Magnus knew he could send her on a near suicide mission into Edom to harvest an ingredient that Magnus might need for some potion for Alec and she would go. She would go and she would come back with it too. She was young and small but she had the determination of an entire army all to herself. He dunked his toast into the soup and finished the piece. The bread in his stomach made him feel a bit steadier, so he started in on the rest.

He reached his spare hand out to her and she grabbed it. Not to share strength magically, just in gratitude. “Thank you, Clary. I will.”

“I can watch him while you sleep,” She offered, “I’ll wake you up if even the smallest thing happens.”

“I think I’ll wait for Jace,” Magnus said and hoped she wouldn’t take offense, “He can monitor Alec better than any of us.”

Clary looked momentarily disappointed but not surprised. She recovered quickly though, determined as she ever was, “Magnus, I can sit and stare at him just as well as you can. Please, you need to rest. Alec would want you to. Just lay down on the other side of the bed and close your eyes. You don’t need to leave him.”

He could absolutely see Alec’s unimpressed look if he woke up and found Magnus half dead from exhaustion. That look alone made him take a spoonful of Clary’s soup – actually edible, unlike anything Izzy would manage – and sigh, “All right.” He agreed, “I’m staying here, though.”

“Of course,” Clary said with a beaming smile. “Finish your soup first.”

Once he had obeyed as well as he could with a stomach twisted in knots, he stood up and heard the bones in his spine crack and grimaced. The noise hit a little too close to home at the moment.

He circled around the bed and slid off his shoes before sinking down on the farthest edge away from Alec and his broken wing. The only reason he was still laying down on his back with his wings out was a spell that Cat had cast before she left that had his back technically hovering and his good wing stretched out enough that he could lay decently. The other was the one that Jace had tightly bound up so that it couldn’t be moved either by Alec or by them. Magnus laid straight along the edge of the bed and tried not to move too much.

“You won’t hurt him,” Clary promised as she laid a soft grey throw blanket over him. “I’ll wake you up if I think you’re getting too close to his wing.”

Now that he was laying down, the tiredness was impossible to ignore. Black spots swam in his vision until he closed his eyes, “Aren’t you going to ask?” He mumbled. Here she was talking casually about Alec’s wings and so far she hadn’t had a single question about their existence.

“Someone will explain them to me later,” She said dismissively.

In seconds, he felt himself losing the battle against sleep. He could only hope that his sleep was either dreamless or filled with an Alexander that was happy and whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your kind words so far! I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter and would love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Next Up: Izzy and Jace talk and Magnus waits to see if Alec will wake up


	5. Chapter Five

Magnus woke up in increments. First his mind then his body a distant second. He just lay there, almost too tired to think.

_“I can’t believe he never told me.”_

_“He hates them, Iz, they literally terrify him.”_

_“I’m his sister! We’ve always had each other’s backs!”_

_“I don’t know what to tell you, Izzy. It probably took like two years of me grooming his wings for him before he stopped sitting there silently crying he was so ashamed. We can barely even talk when he’s got them out.”_

_“…It’s Mom and Dad’s fault. I know it is.”_

Magnus felt too fuzzy to parse through everything that Jace and Izzy were talking about but he didn’t need to understand to know that Maryse and Robert Lightwood were at least a half to blame for whatever it was. He didn’t need consciousness or rational trains of thought for _that._

Izzy did sound upset though and that was worrying. He scrunched his forehead and managed to crack one eye open. Just enough to see the top of Jace’s head. He could see how Izzy’s sadness was affecting him. Then his eye stubbornly shut again.

_“Yeah...”_ An angry sigh, _“They were shitty about it. I don’t know what else to say.”_

_“Magnus knew. He wasn’t surprised at all.”_

_“To be fair, Clary is also not really surprised.”_

_“How can you be so bad at reading your own girlfriend?”_ Fondness, _“She’s surprised as hell. She’s just not upset about it.”_

_“Okay, fine. Magnus knew because I made Alec promise to tell him. Wings are kind of something you should mention before you get like, engaged or whatever.”_

_“Alec said he and Magnus are getting **engaged?**_ **”**

_“Shhh! Don’t wake them up, Izzy! And no, Alec didn’t say that. I have eyes though. Tell me that’s not where this is heading.”_

_“Oh, they’re definitely ending up married. They’re like, already married. I just thought you had some sort of scoop that I didn’t.”_

_“Yeah, I think if Alec is the one that does the asking you’re going to hear about it before me, so don’t worry.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Like he’s taking **me** ring shopping.” _

A tremulous laugh _, “Okay, fine, maybe.”_

_“So I figured Alec was only going to get more and more tortured about the whole secret and it was better if he told Magnus before anything that like, formal, came up.”_

_“Is this emotional maturity, Jace?”_

_“Be quiet. Alec didn’t agree, by the way. He was pissed at me when I brought it up and even more mad when I somehow twisted him up enough to agree. Then he shut down on me and it took me forever to corner him.”_

_“Where?”_

_“Here. He told me he and Magnus were meeting for lunch and I kind of forced him into it. I think we freaked Magnus out, though.”_

_“He was freaked out by Alec’s wings?”_

Magnus privately appreciated her incredulous tone.

_“Angel no. I don’t think he’s bothered by them even a little. He was freaked out by how freaked out Alec was, is what I mean.”_

_“Oh, good.”_ Isabelle’s voice suggested that if Magnus _had_ been bothered by Alec’s wings she would have beaten him up. Aside from the fact that there had been no worries on that front whatsoever, he was as touched as ever by how protective Alec’s little sister was of him.

_“Yeah, he didn’t even really get what the big deal was, other than the fact that they really upset Alec. I knew it wouldn’t be an issue for him.”_

_“Well, of course not. Magnus adores Alec.”_

_“It’s sickening,”_ Jace agreed, _“Alec didn’t think that was how it was going to go, though. He was really scared.”_

_“He’s an idiot. How could he ever think that Magnus and I would love him any less? Don’t answer that. I know why.”_

_“I have to tell you Izzy, I wish I had made Alec tell him sooner. These last few months that Magnus has known… I can **feel**_ _how much weight it’s taken off his shoulders. Magnus doesn’t let him stew in the self-hatred. He gets through to Alec in way that I’ve never been able to.”_

_“Sometimes the parabatai thing gets in the way. It would be kind of hard for you to totally walk away.”_

_“I guess. Mostly I think he’s just so… casual about it? I don’t know how to describe it. I never tried to be that way because I know it’s not casual to us. Magnus doesn’t. Alec used to just shut down completely when I talked about his wings and then he’d be so panicked and weighed down when we were finished dealing with them that I just left it alone. I didn’t push until I had to. Magnus talks about them all the time.”_

_“Like what?”_

_“Alec can barely repeat it to me, usually. Stuff about how hot he thinks they are. Clothes that he wants to buy Alec to show them off. Questions about them. He **texts** this stuff to Alec. Out of nowhere.”_

_“Probably something about how he wants to dip his feathers in gold paint.”_ A giggle _._

He hadn’t before but he definitely wanted to now. Maybe just a dusting of gold glitter across the tops of them to start? The possibilities were really endless. Wings were something he had never accessorized for but he was more than willing to start.

_“Probably. It’s just been really good for him. Six months ago…”_

_“What, Jace?”_

_“Six months ago he would have fallen and let himself die.”_ Silence. _“I could have screamed ‘Wings!’ a thousand times on his way down and he wouldn’t have even tried. He would have rather died with them a secret than exposed them and lived.”_

Suddenly, the events on the rooftop caught up with this sleep-addled brain. He gasped and opened his eyes, “ _Alec!”_

“Whoa,” Jace said. He leaned over the bed and pressed a hand to Magnus’ shoulder to steady him, “Breathe, Magnus. He’s okay. Or at least as okay as he was when you went to sleep.”

Magnus scrambled out from the blanket and knelt on the bed as close to Alec as he dared get. “Has Cat come back?”

“No,” Izzy answered, “She texted about twenty minutes ago to say she would be by soon. We were going to let you sleep until she came.”

Her answer was heard but barely acknowledged. Magnus’ eyes were glued onto Alec, taking in everything that might have changed since he had fallen asleep. He was half disappointed that Alec looked almost the same as he had before. The oxygen mask was still firmly in place and his chest took in shallow breaths that still seemed painful. His wing and leg were still splinted, still broken. The bandages had been changed, though, and Alec looked less bloody for it. “How long?”

“Four hours,” Jace said. His hand was wrapped firmly in Alec’s, “Clary has been asleep for two.”

“Has he…?” _Woken up? Twitched? Scrunched his nose?_

They heard everything he couldn’t say out loud, “No,” Jace answered darkly, “Nothing. I haven’t felt him stir at all.”

He meant through their bond. “How does he feel?” Magnus dared ask.

Jace grimaced, “Weak,” He said. His head ducked down and he stared hard at their joined hands, “He doesn’t feel like he’s pulling away from me anymore,” _Like he had when he was dying, “_ But he doesn’t feel stable either. He’s really hurt.”

Magnus wasn’t sure whether to be reassured by that or not. He wished Alec was in a better condition after all the magic they had poured into him, the hours of sleep he had gotten, and all the help breathing they were giving him. Not actively dying though, that was reassuring. Magnus took a spare second to reach out and lay his hand over Jace and Alec’s and gave a gentle squeeze. “We’ll see what Cat has up her sleeve.”

All they could do was hope that the next round of healing would do more to bring Alec back to them.

 

**\---**

 

Magnus sat back down on the chair beside Alec in a boneless slump that was made only partly of exhaustion.

There was exhaustion involved, of course, magical and emotional. Physical too, if he was being honest. He was doing everything in his not inconsiderable power to heal Alec. That, however, was where most of the feeling behind his boneless slump was found.

Utter disappointment.

“He’s breathing easier.” Cat said as she adjusted something on the machine feeding Alec oxygen. “And I want to give his wing more time stabilized but I think we can unwrap the splint soon. See how it moves.”

Those were good things. Very good things, in fact. Healing Alec’s wing was a top concern of his and anything to ease the pain he was in trying to breathe was wonderful.

But he was still unconscious. He hadn’t even twitched.

Magnus dragged a hand over his eyes and tried to ignore the prickling that heralded an emotional breakdown he didn’t have time for. “I should have done more research on his wings the moment I found out about them.”

“Well, I’ve done enough to hold us over for now.” Cat replied like it wasn’t a huge failing of Magnus’ as a romantic partner. What kind of boyfriend would be stupid enough to have no idea how to take care of healing a major part of his lover? Magnus Bane, apparently. He had been worrying about what it would be like to make out with Alec under a canopy of his wings when he should have been learning about how they worked so he could heal them properly if the day ever came.

“Hey,” Cat said as she nudged his shoulder, “He’s doing okay. I’m not upset about his progress and you shouldn’t be either. Weren’t you the one who shouted at me that you would work towards healing him for months if that was what it took?” A pause and another nudge, “Weren’t you?”

Magnus sighed and pulled his hand away from his aching eyes. “I was.” He answered. His hands almost automatically reached out to hold Alec’s still hand between them. The familiar feeling of Alec’s warm hand in his was calming.

“And did you mean it?” Cat pressed.

“Of course I did Catarina,” Magnus shot her a half-hearted glare. He was so deeply grateful for her help saving Alec she probably had built enough good will that he wouldn’t be able to truly get angry with her for at least another dozen years.

She rolled her eyes at him and patted their joined hands, “So then what’s got you so upset? Did you expect to have him in demon fighting shape after two sessions?”

“No,” Magnus admitted, “I know this isn’t something superficial that I can heal in moments. His injuries were complex and catastrophic and if we had gotten to work on him even three minutes later…” He let out a harsh breath that caught at the end. Just the thought of what would have happened if a demon on that roof had delayed him another few moments would haunt him for years to come.

“So what is it then?”

He squeezed Alec’s still hand and wished he could feel Alec squeeze his back. “I was hoping he would wake up.”

“So he could push himself and be a horrible patient?” Cat asked skeptically, “Probably better for all of us if he snoozes for a while longer.”

The question slipped out from his lips before he could even register it, “Do you think he _will_ wake up?”

It was Cat’s turn to sigh and though he could only see her in his periphery, just a smudge at Alec’s bedside, he could feel her soften. “Magnus, I won’t lie to you.”

If his laugh was harsh he could hardly control it, “And that, my dear, is exactly why I’m not jumping for joy.”

“Magnus,” She said again. Gently, she pulled his chin around until he was looking at her and not at Alec, “Listen to me.  He’s young, he’s strong, he’s got a _parabatai_ willing to draw all the runes he could ever need and the two of us to heal him. Between all that, he’s got a damned good shot.”

Magnus felt a tear leak out the corner of his eye, “I know that, Cat. Truly I do. And I did mean what I said. If his recovery takes months before he’s back where he was then I will be there with him every step of the way. If some things don’t ever heal completely, I’ll still be grateful to have him beside me. I just need to know that we have that chance. I need him to wake up, to be himself and to be stable. This limbo we’re in, this not knowing if we’re actually saving him…”

“I know,” Cat soothed. She reached out and wrapped her arms around him. It was a familiar position to be in and he briefly let go of Alec’s hand so he could return the hug. They had supported each other for so long, a hug from Catarina felt like home.

A creak of his floor broke them apart and Magnus turned to find Izzy in the doorway looking eager and apologetic all at once. “I’m sorry,” She said, “I just had to see…”

“It’s all right.” Cat said. She waved Izzy into the room and patted Magnus’ shoulder as she grabbed her purse from the foot of the bed. “I’m going to go check on Madzie but I’ll be back after lunch. Call me if you need me, Magnus.”

“I will,” Magnus promised. He wanted to stop her and thank her again but the knowing look on her face stopped him. She knew.

Cat disappeared in a portal just as Izzy was sitting down in her seat opposite Magnus. Magnus took a few seconds to really look at Alec’s little sister. She was as lovely as ever but she seemed as exhausted as he felt. There were dark circles under her mascara-smeared eyes. Other than last night’s remnants her face was bare of any makeup and she looked younger for it. She had on one of Alec’s oldest sweaters, one that Magnus had been subtly hiding further and further back in the closet in the hopes that Alec would forget about it so Magnus could replace it with something a little less threadbare. Her voice, though, was a strong and determined as ever, “Any changes?”

She was asking if Alec had woken up without saying so. Magnus hated to crush that hope, “His breathing is easier and we did some more work on his head injury. He hasn’t stirred at all yet. Our major work was on his wing.”

“His _wing_ ,” Izzy repeated with something in her voice that Magnus couldn’t name. He felt badly for her. She loved Alec so much and there was no way that being kept in the dark about his wings couldn’t have hurt her.

“I heard you and Jace talking about the wings, before I woke up.” Magnus said, “I’m sorry to have eavesdropped. I wasn’t entirely awake yet.”

Izzy shook her head, “Don’t worry about it,” She forgave easily, “If we wanted to talk about it completely privately we could have done it somewhere else.”

“Are you angry with him?” Magnus asked. She didn’t seem it but there were many degrees of anger.

There wasn’t any secret flash of rage on Izzy’s face and that made Magnus feel a little better. She just  shrugged, “I’m sad he didn’t tell me himself. I’m angry that the Clave and Mom and Dad made him feel wrong because of them. Am I mad that he didn’t feel he could tell me? Yeah but not really at him.”

Magnus understood what she was trying to say completely. He felt similarly about the whole situation. Angry there had been a secret but not at Alec or even Jace for keeping it. He had to be sure about Izzy’s feelings though, the Lightwood siblings placed such importance on being _three_ that he knew there was a chance that Izzy being left out of it could manifest badly.

“We talked about it not long ago, telling you.” Magnus revealed gently, “I’ve been trying to make him understand that just as me finding out didn’t change how I feel about him, _you_ finding out would be the same. He understood it on some level but…” He waved a hand to say the rest.

Izzy’s lips twisted a little like she might cry but she rolled her eyes too. She look upset but not devastated, at least not about that. “At least we won’t start from zero when he wakes up and realizes that I know. And Clary.”

“And Catarina. The circle is expanding quite a bit.” Magnus mused. Izzy’s giggle made him quirk an eyebrow in question.

“That’s kind of been the last year or so for us in general. He’s getting used to it.” Izzy pointed out.

He flashed her a little grin with half his usual charm and looked back at his occasionally emotionally challenged Shadowhunter. His poor Alec did respond so badly to changes sometimes. He traced a careful finger down the side of Alec’s cheek, skirting around little cuts, and said softly, “Darling, your sister is making fun of you, I believe.”

It would have been a perfect moment for Alec to scrunch his brow or make any of the usual faces he made when another living being bothered him. Instead, Alec stayed still and unconscious on the bed and Magnus was left trying desperately not to let his own expression fall. Alec could rest twenty-three hours a day for two months if he needed to but Magnus desperately needed him to wake up for just a few moments, just so they knew he was going to be okay.

In seconds, Izzy was around the bed and at his back. She wrapped her arms around his neck from behind and laid against his back, as much of her surrounding him as she could manage. She smelled like she usually did, a subtle but sweet perfume, but the sweater smelt like Alec just enough to give Magnus a boost of comfort that only Alec’s hug could give him.

“We’re not losing him.” Isabelle whispered in his ear fiercely. “Not when everything is just getting started. You’ll see, Magnus.”

 

**\---**

 

The next twelve hours passed torturously slowly. Cat came and went, Jace and Izzy half-ran the Institute from their phones, Clary danced between all of them offering food and encouraging rest…

And Alec slept.

He stayed still and silent. Nothing deteriorated, no infections seemed to be brewing, his wing moved properly when Cat stretched it out to check and his breathing grew strong enough to take away the oxygen mask. All good things. All reassuring signs.

Magnus was in hell.

Scratch that, he had been to Edom and it wasn’t this bad. This was a torture he had scarcely ever endured. He would have rather made that hellish journey or been literally tortured. That would be easier to deal with. This waiting in terrified limbo while he waited to see if the love of his long life would pull through or not was absolute agony.

Jace felt the same, he could plainly see. Alec’s _parabatai_ was a mess and he grew worse by the hour. Isabelle and Clary were barely keeping him sane. He could only sleep if he was touching Alec. He would only eat if they forced him. How much he was managing to help Izzy with fielding matters from the Institute was debatable by his sister gamely tried to force his attention away from Alec for even a few moments to ‘help’ her.

Even now, he was only taking a shower because Clary had begged. For the first time in hours, it was just Magnus at Alec’s side and he tried not to be a too grateful for it. He cared for Izzy, Jace and Clary. Alec would need their support as he healed. He was happy they were there to help.

But sitting beside Alec in their room finally alone was a special sort of relief.

He had been clutching Alec’s still hand in his for so long that his fingers were starting to ache. Slowly, he let his grip relax as he pulled Alec’s hand between his two and bowed his head over it. “I know normally I love it when you sleep in and get some actual rest, darling, but this is going a bit too far.” He laughed and it wasn’t built on a sob. It was easy to talk to Alec, it always had been. It was even easier when he didn’t have to look at how bruised his face still was.

“If you wanted a holiday, you should have just said so. I’ve been begging you for months, after all.” Magnus continued, the words pitched louder to make up for the way they were being pressed into the skin on the back of Alec’s hand. “Just the two of us, some beach somewhere isolated. The isolation is key, you realize, because otherwise there would be no way to get you to swim in the nude with me.”

He laughed again just imagining Alec standing on a beach with him, no other living beings for miles, with his hands hesitating at the elastic of his swimming trunks. How incredibly awkward he would be just thinking about it. Magnus would be leading by example of course but even then he was pretty sure he was going to have to patiently put some sort of glamouring spell up to get Alec to agree.

“We’re absolutely doing it still, going away together for even a weekend. You work too hard, Alexander. This doesn’t count as a vacation. This _does not_ count.” Magnus continued, his voice going softer by the end. Even the happy thoughts swung back around to the situation they were in.

He laughed again but it was different this time. Less. Filled with worse things. “Oh my angel, I thought I had all the time in the world to teach you to love your wings. I was so sure I would crack through all those horrible lies your parents and your people told you. It would take time, it would take love, but I would make you see the truth.”

He pressed his lips to Alec’s hand and felt his eyes start to well up, “I should have tried harder. I should have known what to say better.” He bit his lip and pressed his forehead to Alec’s hand, “I’m sorry. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

The tears spilled over and Magnus didn’t bother to try to stop it from happening. He, Jace and Izzy all had their moments but none of them had truly sobbed. That kind of crying was too close to grieving and they _were not_ doing that. Now though, with no one to see him, Magnus felt powerless to stop. He simply didn’t have the strength.

He tried to be quiet, even when it felt painful. He didn’t want the other Shadowhunters to hear him. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe not to scare them or maybe so they wouldn’t see his weakness. He pulled a ragged gasp in when he could. He clutched Alec’s hand like it was the only thing keeping him together. It honestly sort of was.

He knew he needed to pull himself together. Crying wasn’t going to fix Alec. Crying was wasting energy that he desperately needed. The others would be back soon enough, especially if Jace managed to overpower Clary and Isabelle. He sniffed probably too loudly and bit his lip as he tried to quell the tears. He rubbed his forehead over Alec’s skin and turned his fingers so they curled around. “Alec, please…”

Alec’s middle finger, closest to his eyes, moved slowly. It slipped down across his damp skin as though wiping away a tear. Even unconscious, Alec reacted to his distress. It made Magnus smile even though he was still crying.

Then, Alec’s finger went back up into place with the rest of them.

Magnus froze.

Alec’s thumb moved next, curling around the closest part of Magnus’ own fingers.

Magnus jerked his head up so hard it almost hurt. “Alec?” His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt a jolt of shock and hope so potent it tingled in his fingers.

His love’s eyes were still closed but his brow was furrowed.

He kept one hand gripping Alec’s and brushed his other across Alec’s forehead as he stood up to get closer. He smoothed his thumb over Alec’s eyebrow, “Darling, can you open your eyes for me? Please? Try Alec, try for me.”

Alec’s eyelids fluttered open and shut so quickly Magnus hadn’t even been able to glimpse his hazel eyes. Instead of trying again, Alec sighed so softly that Magnus wasn’t entirely sure that he had actually heard it.

“We’re waiting for you, Alexander. Jace and Izzy and Clary and I. We need you to wake up. Please, just for a few moments. Please, Alec.” Magnus encouraged. He felt slightly badly appealing to Alec’s overprotective side but if it got him awake for even a moment he would bear that guilt while beaming.

He watched with his heart in his throat as Alec tried again. His eyes slit open just enough for Magnus to see the way they seemed to be rolling around, unable to focus on anything. Gently, he tilted Alec’s head so he was facing Magnus better. He tried to catch Alec’s eye and watched as Alec managed to meet his gaze, “There you are, darling.”

“M’nus…” Alec mumbled. Magnus wasn’t sure he had ever heard a sound so lovely.

He laughed, delighted beyond words, “Alexander, I’ve missed you so much.”

“Sorry…” Alec said back.

Magnus shook his head, “You have nothing to be sorry for, love. How do you feel?”

Alec’s tongue poked out and swiped over his lips. Magnus made a note to get some water in him as soon as possible. First though, he wanted Alec to answer him. If there was something that they were missing, something that needed his magic, he wanted to know. He and Cat had been focusing on the things that needed help the most but if there was some other injury they had neglected that was hurting Alexander worse than the rest, he wanted to rectify it.

“Head _hurts_ ,” Alec almost whimpered. His usually stoic Shadowhunter uttering such a sound made Magnus’ heart break. Alec almost always brushed injuries away like they were nothing and Magnus had seen him pretty injured before. Never like this though and the pain in Alec’s eyes proved it.

“Shh,” Magnus soothed gently. He brushed his hand through Alec’s hair. “I know, Alec. I know it hurts. I’m going to get you better, I promise.”

Alec’s face crumbled, “Magnus, I can’t…I can’t… remember. What…?” Every line of pain in Alec’s face grew deeper while his breathing went shallow in distress. Magnus cursed silently, letting Alec get upset was the absolute last thing he needed.

“Shh,” He said again. He pressed a barely there kiss to Alec’s lips, “Shh, love. Don’t worry about that. All that matters is that you rest, all right?”

“No, Magnus, I can’t…” Alec protested. He was barely letting himself be calmed.

Magnus shook his head, “You can’t remember what happened?” He asked. Alec barely nodded before he cried out a little, “Don’t move! Shh, darling, lay still. Don’t move, you’re still so hurt.”

Carefully, Magnus laid his hand over Alec’s chest and pressed the hand he still held to his own chest. He took in as deep a breath as he thought Alec’s healing lungs could handle, held it and then let it out as exaggeratedly as he could. “Breathe, Alec. It doesn’t matter what happened.”

He could see Alec’s response to that – terror, insistence and confusion – and shook his head quickly to keep him from truly reacting. “Listen, darling, it doesn’t. You remember me, you remember your siblings. You remember who you are. Does anything else truly matter?”

Slowly, Alec’s fear dialed down. There was commotion outside their room and Magnus could hear Jace’s voice. Apparently, Alec’s _parabatai_ had felt Alec wake up, or at least the emotions that came with it. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the three of them crowding the doorway but hesitating from coming in. Just as well, his poor boy could only take so much more.

Alec’s eyes fluttered again and this time Magnus didn’t encourage him to keep them open. He had gotten what they all needed, proof that Alec was coming back to them. So what if he couldn’t remember the events that lead up to his injury? That wasn’t surprising or even concerning. Head injuries could be like that.

“Breathe, Alec. Just rest, we’re all okay. You’re okay…” Magnus kept up a steady stream of encouragement as Alec started to fall back asleep.

Until he was sure that Alec was sleeping again, Magnus didn’t dare tear his eyes away. It was as if a spell not of his own making had fallen over the room and all of them were loathe to break it just in case it meant what had just happened got erased. Once he was sure that Alec was resting again, not likely to open his eyes and panic, Magnus felt the gentle smile he had been wearing to calm Alec break into a relieved grin so wide it made his face ache. Finally, he looked up at the other three and let them read the look on his face.

Jace, closest to the bed from the way he had been creeping forward silently, collapsed down into the chair closest and tilted his head back to turn his face to the ceiling. “Thank the angel.” He breathed out.

Izzy and Clary were clutching each other by the door still. Izzy burst out laughing and came rushing to Magnus’ side, “Did he say anything? Magnus, you should have called us!”

He reached out and squeezed her shoulder in apology, “It happened so quickly and he was a little mixed up. I didn’t want to overwhelm him.”

Jace’s head jerked back up, “Mixed up? How?”

“He doesn’t remember what happened and it was stressing him out.” Magnus explained as soothingly as he could, “It’s not uncommon with head injuries. He might remember when he’s more healed or he might never. We might even find he’s missing most of that day.”

“Might even be better,” Izzy said softly.

A not so small part of Magnus agreed with her. He couldn’t imagine Alec’s memory of his fall was a pleasant one, especially considering his death had seemed more likely than not. The only thing that might end up being something he wanted Alec to remember was his decision to reveal his wings to save himself. That was no small thing and he would hate it if Alec no longer agreed with it once he wasn’t in the same situation.

They could worry about that later though. Right now, he felt a relief so deep it couldn’t be matched. Alec had finally woken up, he had spoken properly, had known himself and Magnus… he was going to be okay. Everything else could wait.

 

**\---**

 

Now that Alec was truly on the mend, Magnus could no longer justify ignoring his own health. Well he _could_ justify it to himself but not to Cat, who knew him too well, or Clary, who had decided that if she couldn’t do much for Alec then she was going to keep the rest of them going if it was the last thing she did. Cat shoved him into a bath with an exaggeratedly wrinkled nose and Clary pushed food at him that she stood there to ensure he actually ate. Even Jace got in on the act, putting fresh sheets on the couch that he and Izzy had been sharing and pushing him down into it with a promise not to leave Alec’s side until Magnus woke up.

When he protested, they made noise about telling Alec and then hid their smirks poorly when he sulked about it. It was a little infuriating.

That said, he wasn’t going to risk anyone _actually_ telling Alec.

So after a bath, some dinner and a solid five hours of sleep, he felt a little less like he was going to shatter at the slightest provocation. It wasn’t until he walked back into their bedroom and found Alec still softly breathing in their bed that he truly felt himself again.

Izzy sat behind her brother with a book in her lap stacked with paperwork that looked familiar. Working through her brother’s backlog, apparently. She looked up as he walked in and grinned at him, “Feel any better?  You certainly look it.”

“Like a whole new warlock.” Magnus answered as he came around the bed.

Alec looked better than he had since before they had been battling demons on a rooftop and Magnus wasn’t sure if that was because he was looking at him with fresh, less hopeless eyes or because he actually was better. “Has Cat been by again?” Cat had stopped in not long after Alec had gone back to sleep but that had been more to see if Magnus was a zombie than to do any more healing on Alec.

“Yeah,” Izzy answered. She gestured to Alec’s back, “She let us glamour his wings again. He woke up for a few minutes and talked to her and Jace.”

Abruptly, Magnus realized that Alec was again laying directly on the bed and his wings were away. Apparently he still wasn’t entirely used to seeing them if he hadn’t even noticed right away. He wanted to be angry that no one had woken him up when Alec had been awake but that would have been hypocritical of him. “Did he say anything noteworthy?”

“He answered some of Cat’s questions about how he felt. Apparently he still has a vicious headache,” Izzy said a little worriedly. “He didn’t even mention his chest until she asked directly.”

That was interesting, if only because his chest and lungs had been so much more badly injured. To be fair, they had also poured a lot more magic into healing them, so maybe it wasn’t a surprise that his head hurt worse.

“What else?” He asked as he reached up to brush fingers sparking with magic through Alec’s hair.

Izzy stood up and stretched, a loud pop sounding as proof of how long she had been sitting there. “All broken bones healed, wings safe to be glamoured away, breathing better, cuts and wounds better… He’s better, Magnus.”

He smiled softly at the pronouncement and pressed a kiss to Alec’s forehead. “He looks better.”

“He does.” Izzy agreed. Behind him, he heard her start to pull shoes on.

Magnus turned to Isabelle and watched her get ready to leave, “Going out?”

She sighed, looking vaguely annoyed, “I can’t justify not putting in an appearance at the Institute anymore. I have paperwork to drop off anyway. I just finished this stack, so I might as well get some new clothes and see what else I can take from his desk.”

“Take a few hours for yourself at least. Sleep in an actual bed.” Magnus encouraged. Once Izzy straightened up, back in her signature heels, Magnus pulled her into a hug. “You’ve done so much, I can’t thank you enough.”

“I never need thanks for taking care of my family,” Izzy said as she wrapped her arms around him to return the embrace. “But you’re welcome anyway. I’ll take you up on the sleep thing, though. Depending on how much of a mess there is to clean up at the Institute, of course.”

They pulled away from each other and Magnus quirked a grin at her, “Your brother runs a tight ship. It won’t fall apart if there’s no Lightwood there to tend it for a few days.”

Izzy snorted and stepped close enough to Alec to drop her own kiss on his forehead. “See you soon, big brother. Be good for Magnus.”

“If he’s asleep, then sure.” Magnus said, “Once he wakes up, it’s debatable.”

“Seriously,” Izzy agreed. She turned around and started out the door before she stopped and turned back around, “I almost forgot. Clary made Jace take her on a walk for some fresh air. I think she was trying to herd him to the Institute too but you know Jace.”

That meant either Clary would be able to keep his attention long enough to give Magnus and Alec some time alone, because there was nothing that stole Jace’s attention better than Clary, or he would be unable to stay away from his injured _parabatai_ for long and would stomp in soon enough, because he was usually at his most dedicated _after_ Alec had been in trouble. Personally, Magnus hoped for the former but he wouldn’t be upset about the latter.

“I’ll call if anything major happens.” Magnus promised.

Izzy nodded her thanks and turned on her heel with enough of a hair flip to make Magnus feel better about her exhaustion levels. He faintly heard the door shut behind her after a few seconds and dropped down into the chair beside Alec to get some of his own alone time in while he could.

He picked up Izzy’s makeshift desk and found it to be a book of Alec’s, not one of his own priceless tomes. He appreciated that she hadn’t written on top of any of his spell books quite a bit. He flipped the book around to the cover and saw it was a book of Idris’ history, something that looked like it had been a textbook that Alec wouldn’t have opened in years. When it had migrated to Magnus’ he wasn’t sure but it was welcomed to a spot on his shelves. He sort of loved seeing Alec’s things mixed up amongst his own and each time something new found its way from Alec’s barely used Institute bedroom to Magnus’ apartment he got a little thrill.

Absently, he flipped through the book as he had one of his favorite daydreams of late. Not the ‘making out with Alec under his wings’ daydream, although that one was also one of his favorites. No, this was one that had been on his mind longer – asking Alec to move in. Seeing all of Alec’s possessions, meager as they were, brought in to mix with his own. Having Alec in his arms every morning and never ending an evening together wondering where Alec would chose to sleep, at home or with Magnus because _with Magnus_ would be his home. Truly and permanently.

He loved every little domestic moment they had managed to carve out for themselves and he longed to make them a part of his everyday life. He had almost asked Alec about seven times but had held back for a number of reasons. Well, a number of reasons was a bit of a lie. There were many but they all boiled down to the same thing. He was afraid of pushing Alec too far.

Not because Alec didn’t love him, because he knew he did. And not because he didn’t think Alec wanted to live with him, because he truly did believe that as well.

He was afraid that Alec would be afraid to say yes. Even more than that, he was afraid that if Alec did move in it would prove to be too much too fast for his occasionally still skittish lover. Shadowhunter society did not raise children in tune with their own emotions and Alec seemed worse off than others.

Magnus sighed, still as conflicted about it as he ever was. His fingers drifted down the page he was on without even taking in the words. Or rather, the image. He glanced over the map he had inadvertently stopped on and felt an idea brewing as he traced a finger over a drawn boundary.

Brooding about Alec moving in wasn’t a particularly productive use of his time, even if he stepped away from the angst of the decision and into the actual fantasy of it.

What he could do, however…

“Be right back, darling.” Magnus called to Alec as he charged out to his library. He didn’t want to leave Alec alone for more than a few seconds.

Thankfully, he kept topics more or less together. He only a had a few in the section he was looking at and none from the last seventy-five years. Luckily, land borders were far more stable than a country’s borders. He should probably get something more updated.

He pulled the most up to date atlas down from the shelf and went back to Alec’s side. “While I wait for you to wake up, I think it’s time I start researching that small cliff with water below that I asked you about weeks ago.”

He spread the oversized book out on his lap, flipping open to the beginning so he could see what possibilities fit the bill. “Something warm, obviously. I fully believe we can fit skinny dipping in with flight lessons on the same trip.”

Well, _he_ fully believed it. “I imagine you’ll have reservations about that, though. Still, no one wants to risk falling into freezing water.”

He couldn’t imagine Alec would be very willing to continuously fall into icy water each time he jumped and tried to, well, do whatever it is that birds did to fly. He should probably look into that as well so he had some helpful pointers to offer Alec when the time came.

How had he not thought of that before now?

“I’m the absolute worst, Alexander. My apologies, I’ll do better.” He promised as he flipped to maps of the Adriatic coastline.

“ _You’re not_.”

Magnus looked up, startled. Alec’s eyes were open and focused on him, watching him talk to himself like an idiot. “Alexander! How long have you been awake?”

“You said something about freezing water.” Alec answered. Magnus was pleased to hear that he sounded less, well, less everything than he had before. Less weak, less confused, less upset. In general, more himself. His voice was still soft in deference to what was probably an inability to draw in a full breath and he still sounded weak but he sounded, finally, _like Alec._ “You’re not the worst.”

Magnus begged to differ, at least on the preparations for wings front. Arguing about that wasn’t the conversation he wanted to have, though. “Thank you, darling. I appreciate that.”

“Seriously,” Alec said stubbornly. “Why would you think that?” His eyes widened, “Did I get hurt because you think you did something wrong? You didn’t, Magnus.” The sentiment was particularly sweet because Alec still had no memory of what had happened.

Magnus shook his head and shut the book so he could set it aside and sit on the bed beside Alec. He put his weight on the mattress gingerly, waiting to see if being shifted lit up any pain for his Shadowhunter. When Alec didn’t seem to react, he relaxed. “Only in an overarching sense, love. I certainly didn’t accidently throw a ball of power at you or anything.”

“What did happen?” Alec reached out and gripped Magnus’ hand on his own. It was a nice change of pace, to have Alec reaching for him instead of still and silent while the rest of them did the reaching.

“I’d rather talk about twenty other things right now while I’ve got you awake,” Magnus admitted. “But I know it stresses you out to not remember.”

Alec knew better than to nod, apparently, but the way he dipped his eyes instead seemed to agree all the same. He looked nervous and Magnus winced when he remembered that the last time Alec had lost time was when he had been possessed by a demon. 

Magnus patted his hand gently, “What was the last thing you remember?”

He regretted the question almost immediately when Alec’s eyes slid out of focus as he tried to think back. No doubt it was going to make his head ache worse but Alec wouldn’t back down now that he was finally about to get answers.

“Getting ready? We were supposed to eat with Izzy, Jace and Clary?” Alec said slowly, like he was trying to piece it together. “Did we go?” He asked a little desperately.

“We went,” Magnus reached up to stroke his fingers down Alec’s cheek. “We had a lovely time. Your brother regaled us with a story from when you were practicing with Izzy’s whip as a child.”

Alec went a little pink, “Great.” He said with enough of his trademark sarcastic grumpiness that Magnus had to laugh. Even if Alec didn’t remember Jace telling the story – complete with a dramatic reenactment – he definitely knew the story in question instantly.

“You and I shared a positively decadent red velvet lava cake and you forced me to have the last bite.” Magnus continued. Alec’s frown smoothed out into a knowing smile. “We were walking back when Clary caught sight of that band of demons you’ve been hunting.”

“With the wings?” Alec asked, because of course that was the detail that stuck in his memory.

Magnus nodded, “Yes, them. Unfortunately, there were far more than any intel the Institute has gotten indicated. Even more unfortunately, we didn’t realize that until we were already on the rooftop.”

Alec’s eyes were still distant and the ache his fierce concentration was causing was clear on his face. Any thought Magnus had about telling Alec slowly vanished. Slowly was just going to give Alec more of a chance to wrack his brain harder. He would rather Alec was forced to focus on what he was telling him rather than trying to remember himself.

“In the middle of it, Izzy and I got separated from you, Jace and Clary. Not ideal, I much prefer fighting at your side if we have to do it, but not a huge problem. At least not at first. If I had been closer…” Magnus shrugged, unwilling to burden Alec with what ifs. As for burdening himself, he would probably be haunted by those yards of distance between them that night for years to come. “In any case, we were almost done.”

“And then?” Alec prompted.

“And then one of the bastards grabbed you by your shoulders and lifted you clear off your feet.” Magnus answered softly, “It dragged you right over the edge. I was too far away and every time I tried to get close enough to pull you back, another demon cut me off from you.” Just the words being spoken aloud brought Magnus right back into that moment. The sheer heart stopping terror of seeing Alec suspended over a drop that would kill him almost took his breath away, even now that he knew it had turned out all right, that Alec was still here with him.

“Not your fault.” Alec said gently like Magnus had any right to receive comfort from him over his own failings.

Magnus shook his head, suddenly unable to even look at the soft, easy forgiveness in Alec’s eyes. “I could have stopped that before we even started. I could have sent a blast of magic so strong it would have killed those demons instantly. By the time…”

“Hey,” Alec cut him off with a squeeze to his hand and a gentle tug. “Maybe you could have done it but it would have been dangerous to drain yourself so needlessly.”

“ _Needlessly_?” Magnus echoed, a little shocked that Alec would say such a thing. “That demon dropped you from a height that would have _killed you_ , Alec! If you didn’t have wings, you would be dead right now. Do you have any idea how terrified I was?”

“Probably as terrified as I would have been if you had blasted that many demons and knocked yourself out with the strain.” Alec countered. “It would have been the stupid choice. We’re Shadowhunters, Magnus. Fighting demons is what we _do.”_ It was clear that just as the thought of Alec not surviving his fall still horrified Magnus, the thought of Magnus using his magic the way he was describing had a similar effect on Alec. Magnus truly couldn’t blame him, even if he still thought that he should have handled that battle differently.

Alec’s chest was moving rapidly, even the slight bit of rising emotion from their argument and Alec’s concern straining his breathing. Magnus shook himself out of his own head, cursing himself for letting this become about him. “We’ll agree to disagree, darling. Please, try and calm down.”

“I _am_ calm,” Alec panted. The frustration over his body’s limitations was clear to see.

Magnus leaned forward and pressed a careful kiss on Alec’s parted lips and pulled back before Alec could try to deepen it. “I’m not done telling you what happened.” He reminded, “Don’t you want to hear the rest?”

The mulishly grumpy look that came over Alec’s features was so completely his Shadowhunter that Magnus couldn’t help but laugh, delighted at the sight of it.

He rubbed his thumb between Alec’s furrowed brows, “Oh my stubborn boy, I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Alec answered, even though he had only dialed down the pout by about half.

As Magnus continued he made sure to keep an eye on Alec’s breathing, hoping to see it ease if Alec stayed silent for a few minutes. Not exactly a tall order for Alec Lightwood. “I think you can guess what happened next.” Magnus restarted the story. “All of us were trying to get to you but even though we had thinned the herd so much, they just kept coming. It all happened so fast. The demon dropped you and the magic I sent to try and pull you back up didn’t make it in time.”

Nothing on Alec’s face changed as Magnus spoke. There was no blame on Alec’s face, no suggestion that he was angry with any of them. Magnus had known there wouldn’t be but seeing it was another layer of comfort to his battered heart.

“I didn’t even think of your wings.” Magnus admitted, “My heart just stopped. I was frozen. Jace wasn’t.”

There was slowly dawning comprehension on Alec’s face and Magnus waited to see what emotion Alec would land on. If he saw regret on Alec’s face, even the slightest hint of it, Magnus’ rage would set Maryse and Robert Lightwood on fire, no matter where on the planet they happened to be standing at that moment.

He continued, watching warily, “Jace screamed to you _wings_. I didn’t see it but he watched you. You _tried to fly_ , Alec.” He leaned in, trying to make Alec understand how incredible that was, “You actually glided. You were doing it. Enough to save your life, at least.”

The play of emotion on Alec’s face was fascinating. “I… I…”

“You chose to _live,_ Alec.” Magnus said, hushed and reverent. “You could have just fallen and died and no one but Jace and I would have known about your wings. The whole time I ran to that ledge to see over it, a mere thirty seconds that felt like thirty minutes, I wasn’t sure you had done it. Your wings scare you so much, I was almost sure that you would rather leave us behind then let anyone else see them.”

If possible, Alec seemed to have paled to an even more worrisome shade of unhealthy grey/white. “Izzy…? Clary?” He asked almost inaudibly.

Magnus nodded encouragingly, “They _don’t care_ , darling. Izzy has been here practically every moment. She’s _touched them_ and she doesn’t feel any differently than she did before. Just like Jace and I said.”

Alec slumped back on the bed like his strings had been cut. Everyone he loved, saved a little brother too young to know to hate what was different on an older brother he adored, knew the truth now. A decades old fear had been lifted from Alec’s tired shoulders.

Jace hadn’t walked away.

Magnus hadn’t walked away.

And now, Isabelle wasn’t walking away.

“Before you start panicking about anything else,” Magnus continued, “I spoke with Izzy. She’s not angry with you for not telling her.”

Alec shook his head slowly, almost uncomprehendingly. “I don’t see how she couldn’t be.”

“Because she understands, Alec.” Magnus tried to help him realize. He felt sort of like half of his job in their relationship was to help Alec understand unconditional love.

“Does anyone… did anyone else see?” Alec changed the subject from Isabelle and Magnus reluctantly let him. It was probably better that Izzy talk to Alec herself when she got back. He had half a mind to text her that Alec was awake and talking because he knew she would drop everything to come back to their loft. Would that be too much too soon for Alec or was letting it drag out the worse choice?

For now, Magnus decided to let Alec set the pace. “Clary, obviously. I caught her sketching wings yesterday, I think you’ve inspired her. I might honestly commission her, I’m not even joking.”

Enough of the fear had drained out of Alec to allow him to shoot Magnus a look that gave him a rough idea of what Alec thought of sitting for a portrait with his brother’s girlfriend with his wings out.

“Cat too,” Magnus continued. “You were very badly injured, Alec. I needed help. She doesn’t care in the slightest, in case you were worried.” He didn’t actually think Alec would be but he wanted to cover all the bases. He wouldn’t put anything past Alec’s ability to angst.

Alec moved his free hand up to wrap carefully around his ribs. Magnus watched the motion like a hawk, afraid that Alec would squeeze too tightly and do his weakened bones damage. “Tell me?” He asked.

His love usually paid his own hurts so little attention that the question felt strange to Magnus. Out of character at the very least. Getting Alec to give him a rundown of his injuries when he came home from a patrol was almost impossible. _Oh, just twisted my ankle_ , he would say to explain the limp. Then, when Magnus practically forced him to sit down and let him look, he would find a swollen ankle, bloody slice in his side and two broken fingers. When Magnus would get upset at the injuries and Alec’s seeming refusal to tell him about them, Alec would dismiss it all with something about his rune taking care of it. His own health was such a throwaway concern to him. Barely ranking, something he only paid attention to as far as it concerned his ability to fight.

Magnus wanted to be happy that Alec was asking because that meant he gave a damn about his own body. That wasn’t what the question was for, though, and he knew it deep down to his marrow. Alec wanted to see if the gliding and slowing of his fall had been worth it. How close had he come to death? How much had Magnus and Cat managed to heal and how much more _could_ they have healed? How much more could his body have taken? Had he really needed to try to fly?

If this ever happened again, could he just let himself fall and reasonably hope to survive?

Magnus’s voice went cold and clinical. “Let’s start top to bottom, shall we? You fractured your skull and injured your literal brain. The pressure that built up alone could have killed you. We weren’t even sure that you were ever going to wake up, or in what condition. I’ve been having reoccurring daydreams, or day _nightmares_ as it were, about you waking up not knowing us or unable to move or speak or think properly. All three maybe. It’s been truly wonderful.”

“Magnus…”

“That’s not to speak of the bruising or the fracture to your orbital bone because you also broke bones in your face. Don’t worry, your pretty face is as lovely as ever. You’re just a little purple. I’ll get a mirror, you shouldn’t miss the depth of hue by your hairline, it’s spectacular.” Magnus continued, “You dislocated your shoulder and broke your arm in three places. You broke your ulnare and radius bones in your wing. Cat and I had to some serious research to make sure we healed your wing the right way, to ensure it would still work as it should.”

How strange that he wasn’t even halfway down Alec’s body yet but he had already listed off so much.

“Your ribcage was absolutely shattered.” Magnus said. He closed his eyes against the haunting image of Alec’s chest so misshapen and ruined but it was inside of his head seared into his mind. It would take centuries to soften the memory. “I’ve never seen anything like it. Shards of bone were in your lungs, you were going to die within moments if we couldn’t heal you. The blunt force trauma to your organs was also a major concern. Your liver was lacerated, your spleen was almost irreparable. You broke your leg, bruised your hip down to the bone. You’re covered in countless wounds and horrible contusions that we had to literally ignore. In case you were wondering why there are so many left, that’s why. Suddenly, the four inch gash that would have made my heart skip a beat a week ago is so far down the list that I’ve barely paid any attention to it. To any of them, because there isn’t just one.”

Alec dropped his face down, upset for him. Not upset enough though, “Magnus…” He tried again.

They weren’t there yet. He didn’t understand.

He _had_ to understand. Magnus needed to make him see.

“If I hadn’t been there and Jace had needed to go down the stairs to get to you, you would have been dead by the time he made it down.” Magnus said, “He was already falling to pieces. When we portaled down to you… Even if I couldn’t have seen you with my own eyes, even if I could only tell how badly you were injured by looking at Jace, I would have known. He was holding onto sanity by a thread and that thread was how close to death you were. And when Cat came,” Magnus’ voice hitched, just remembering what had so clearly been in Cat’s eyes, “She thought you couldn’t be saved. She tried to convince me to help ease your passing because there was no chance that we would be able to save you. I had to beg her to help me try.”

Alec bit his lip, finally effected in a way that he should be. “I’m _sorry_.”

“You don’t have to be! Don’t you see, Alec?” Magnus leaned forward and framed Alec’s face with his hands. “You chose to _live!_ Everything inside of you has always told you to hide your wings but in that moment, knowing you would almost certainly die otherwise, you chose life. You chose _us_.”

“I… I don’t…” Alec fumbled his words.

Magnus held a finger to his lips, “You don’t remember choosing. I understand. The important part is that you understand _why_ and that you do not regret it.”

Alec shook his head slowly, “I don’t regret it.”

“Even though Isabelle, Clary and Cat know the truth now?” Magnus pressed. He searched Alec for that little spark of rebellion from before, the part of him that weighed the risk of his life against the protection of his secret. Though he was sure he had not banished it forever, it at least seemed gone for now.

It would have to be enough.

“Yeah, even though.” Alec agreed. There was still something deeply apprehensive in his eyes and Magnus made a note to text Isabelle as soon as possible. The long overdue conversation between siblings was clearly what Alec needed before he could truly relax.

Though Alec was obviously still conflicted, he was also growing visibly more exhausted by the second. His eyelids fluttered but he kept them stubbornly open. Magnus let a little of his magic lick at Alec’s skin, the suggestion of sleep to push him over the edge. “This has been quite the conversation, darling. I think it’s time for a nap.”

“I’ve been asleep too much.” Alec protested even though his eyes were shut.

Magnus rubbed his hand over Alec’s, “Then a little more won’t hurt anything.” He encouraged, “Rest, Alec. Everything is fine, I promise.”

He wasn’t sure if his reassurances did anything but Alec either gave up or lost the fight against unconsciousness. _Not unconsciousness,_ he reminded himself, _true sleep. He’ll wake up soon._

Finally, _finally,_ they were getting somewhere.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go! 
> 
> Feedback is love :)


	6. Chapter Six

In the next five hours that Magnus had Alec to himself, his angel woke up twice more for much shorter periods.

The first time, Magnus gave Alec a slightly made-up Institute update built almost entirely from reading Isabelle’s radio-silence as a good thing while he managed to get half a cup of water into him. If it turned out that he was wrong and the Institute had actually burned to the ground, he was really never going to hear the end of it.

The second time, Alec had woken up to a coughing fit that had necessitated the return of the oxygen machine for ten minutes until he managed to get his breathing evened out. It had been one of the more terrifying experiences in his life and Magnus had no rush to repeat it. Next time Alec woke up they were starting those breathing exercises that Cat had showed him. Anything to build the strength in Alec’s lungs back up.

That had been about forty-five minutes ago. He had made plans to set up a monitoring spell on Alec and stepping away to brew some of the potions that they were running low on but after that coughing fit he instead decided to magically switch his dresser and vanity with the table in his workshop and make the potions still in eyeshot of Alec.

Cat wasn’t even there and he could feel her rolling her eyes at him. He didn’t care. She could tease him all she wanted. He still had enough ammunition from her lover in the mid-1890s to hold him over in case she wanted to make fun of any of his overprotective tendencies.

Three figures at the edge of his wards pulled at his thoughts. He sighed, “If your siblings think that they can strong arm me into a nap instead of potion-making, they’ve got another thing coming, Alexander. We are dangerously low on anti-infection serum.”

A few moments later, near silent footsteps entered his apartment. All three of them trooped into their bedroom, Jace in the lead. “Alec?”

“Asleep. He had a bit of a rough spell with this breathing and it took a lot out of him. Let’s not wake him up.” Magnus warned.

Jace nodded and though he was obviously tense being near Alec again was visibly relaxing him. The anxious line of his shoulders eased, “I felt it,”

Izzy came around Magnus’ side and laid a hand on his arm, “We were in the middle of breakfast. Jace almost gave me a heart attack.”

“And Alec almost gave _me_ a heart attack!”

“Please tell me you all at least got some sleep before your collective heart attacks.” Magnus interrupted the pair. Clary shot him a grateful from behind Jace’s shoulder.

Isabelle nodded, “I’ve got a backpack full of reports that need doing while we’re here and there was a pair of freshly graduated Shadowhunters that needed a dressing down for a piss-poor performance in the field on their last mission but yes, I slept.”

“I imagine that’s Alec’s favorite part of the Head of Institute job.” Magnus laughed. He picked up his solid glass ladle – an important touch that too many younger warlocks didn’t bother with – and briskly stirred the simmering potion.

Clary giggled and pushed Jace into one of the chairs scattered around the bed. “Until talking to them annoys him too much and he assigns them training with Jace in punishment.”

“It’s a two for one decision,” Izzy said as she walked around to the other side of the bed to get closer to her brother. She reached out to gently push some hair back from Alec’s forehead, “Jace will inevitably wipe the floor with them so well they never want to spar with him again and thus try to never mess up badly enough that Alec gets involved again. And two, Alec can feed the restless beast and give the rest of us a chance to do something besides keep Jace occupied.”

“Hey,” Jace protested, “Training is important.”

Clary perched herself on his lap, “But should it be your only hobby?”

The blonde tilted his head back to smirk at her, “I think I’ve definitely got another hobby.”

Magnus snorted and waved his hand over the potion, infusing it with his magic. “You sound like your brother. Being a Shadowhunter and doing what your better adjusted partner wants to do are not hobbies.” He said, bringing it around to somewhere less dirty than Jace had taken it.

“Thank you Magnus,” Clary smiled at him. He really needed to take her out for drinks just the two of them. Take the time to compare notes.

“Don’t be so hard on them,” Izzy laughed, “I definitely consider sex a hobby.” When she sat down she threw enough swing into her hips to give them an idea how much time she liked to dedicate to it. “And before you say anything, Jace, my other interests are shopping and forensic science and shopping and clubbing and shopping and cooking…”

“Cooking is not your hobby.” Jace theatrically shuddered, “It’s more training for taking down your enemies.”

Izzy shot her brother a glare and was soon turned to encompass both Jace and Clary when the redhead snorted, “Can I make you anything to eat, brother dear?”

“What have I ever done to… Alec?” Jace’s whole demeanor shifted. He gently nudged Clary out his lap so he could climb up onto the bed to kneel next to his _parabatai_. “Alec, you with us?”

Magnus snapped his fingers to put the potion in stasis and moved to stand at Alec’s feet. He wanted to get closer but Jace had only seen his brother awake for a few minutes while Izzy hadn’t gotten to see him awake at all yet. It was their turn, even if Magnus wanted to hoard all the turns for himself. He contented himself with reaching out to massage his thumb over one of Alec’s blanket covered feet.

“Come on, big brother, wake up.” Izzy coaxed excitedly.

The four of them, Clary was hanging over Jace’s shoulder looking nearly as excited as Izzy, watched with almost baited breath as Alec’s eyes fluttered open. His sleepy eyes rolled between Jace’s relieved grin and Izzy’s beaming smile and mustered up a small smile of his own in return.  “Hi,” He whispered.

“Hi,” Izzy laughed, “Sleeping Beauty has nothing on my brother.”

Silently, Magnus agreed.

“How are you feeling, Alec?” Jace reached out and held Alec’s hand, “You think you need to try some more time with the oxygen?”

Was Jace asking that because of what he had felt before or what he was feeling right that second? It was hard to keep the worried frown off of his face but Alec’s eyes were roaming between all of them and Magnus didn’t want to sour the mood or upset him.

“No,” Alec answered. He was breathier than before but not as bad off as in the beginning. “I’m okay.”

Izzy rubbed his shoulder lightly, “There’s no shame in it if you do need a little extra help, Alec. You know that right?”

That was surely going to go in one ear and out the other. Magnus appreciated her trying all the same. While Izzy talked, Jace pulled out his stele and moved the blankets so he could activate his brother’s healing rune. Almost instantly, Alec’s breathing eased. Finally, his runes were getting a chance to join in the effort.

“Thanks,” Alec said to Jace. His brother waved away the gratitude easily but watched carefully as Alec’s attention switched to their sister. They all watched Alec’s face fall, like he was remembering what was out in the open between them now. They were probably lucky it taken the few minutes that it had. “Iz…”

“You don’t have to say anything, Alec,” Izzy pressed her finger to his lips, “You were scared, Mom and Dad drilled silence into you and everything we’ve ever read said they were right to do it. We needed to grow up to see that the Clave isn’t always right.” She took a deep breath and gave Alec a slightly watery smile, “I just need you to know that I love you just as much as I did before. More, if that’s even possible, because you scared the _hell_ out of me.”

Alec swallowed hard and closed his eyes. Magnus wasn’t sure if that was from shame for keeping it a secret from her or relief that he was hearing that his beloved baby sister didn’t hate him from her own lips.

Izzy watched closely and he could see from the sadness on her face that she was wondering something similar, “I think I need you to know one other thing: there is nothing wrong with you or your wings. Screw what the Clave says.”

Alec’s eyes opened and looked glassier than before. “A week ago you wouldn’t have said the same thing.” He pointed out because he seemed to like to continuously torture himself. It was plain to see how upset he was, just trying to talk to his sister about his secret.

Izzy shrugged, not really disagreeing. It made Magnus nervous, until she started speaking, “A week ago I had never really thought about it, you know? Sort of like you had never really put much thought into warlock feelings before you had to. Then your eyes opened and you couldn’t understand how they had ever been closed.” Her words were soft and encouraging. Magnus knew how strongly having Alec fearful of losing their relationship weighed on her. Having been on the receiving end of that fear not too long ago, he understood completely.

“That’s a very good point, Isabelle.” Magnus couldn’t resist adding his support in.

Isabelle flashed him a grateful smile, “If Clary and Jace can have literal angel blood and not be something awful in the eyes of the Clave, why are your wings different?” She pressed her hand to Alec’s cheek and her smile softened when Alec leaned into the touch, “They’re obviously not saying that Clary and Jace are destined to fall or that they’re an aberration. Your wings are more of the same. You’re closer to the Angels, if anything, and because they _want_ you to be.”

“You can’t know that, Izzy.” Alec protested.

She shrugged, “No, but I’ve had a lot of time to think about it and that’s what I honestly think. Now that I actually _am_ thinking about it, of course.”

Jace leaned down into his _parabatai’s_ space, “I know that deep down you agree with us more than you’re letting yourself admit.”

That had been Magnus’ suspicion for a while now as well. It was nice to have the other part of Alec’s soul confirm it.

Alec sighed wearily, “I don’t know that believing it makes it better. I don’t think I want to be special or chosen. It seems like a good way to get deruned while my wings get cut off.”

Magnus flinched, “That will never happen, Alexander.”

Their eyes connected and Magnus could see the genuine fear radiating out of Alec’s otherwise stoic face. He wished he could convince Alec that he would never let anything like that ever happen to him. At the first sign that the Clave was making such moves against Alec, they would be gone. Magnus had a dozen safe places dotted across the globe and any one of them could be their new home. He would keep Alec safe with every spark of magic in his body. The Clave would never harm his Alexander.

“We’ll make sure of it.” Jace agreed darkly. “If they try, we’ll make them regret it.”

“That would just be me dragging you down too.” Alec protested worriedly.

Isabelle shook her head, “No such thing.”

Clary nodded firmly from behind Jace, “Right.”

Alec’s tired eyes went around to each of them and Magnus knew he would find nothing but determination and love in each of their faces.

They were in this together. Hiding Alec’s wings – until, possibly, they had done enough to revolutionize how Shadowhunters operated – was the same as any of the other ways they protected and cared for each other. Magnus saw Alec relax, accepting their determination, and marveled how these four had come to mean so much to him.

How this gorgeous, winged Shadowhunter had come to mean _everything_ to him.

He wouldn’t undo it for the world.

 

**_\--- Two Months Later ---_ **

****

“Are you sure you want to show them, Alec?”

Magnus laid a hand on Alec’s tense back and sighed. As amazing as his siblings and Clary had been about Alec’s wings, there was probably always going to be some residual hesitation in Alec.

“I’m not sure.” Alec answered. He stood just far enough from the ledge that the three swimmers below wouldn’t be able to see them. He and Alec had been here for a wonderful five days. He had portaled in Jace, Izzy and Clary a few hours ago and had sent them off to start playing in the water without them. Alec had wanted to practice some more before meeting up with them. The three of them had been disappointed, Izzy especially had been nearly vibrating with excitement, but they hadn’t let on much and had gone off without complaint.

Now, it was go time.

Or maybe not.

“You know they don’t think badly of your wings, darling.” Magnus said softly.

Alec scoffed, “Yeah sure, but what if I fall?”

Magnus froze. Alec… _wasn’t_ falling into one his pits of despair about the wings he had been born with? “What if you fall?” He echoed.

Alec shifted a little restlessly on his feet, half turning to face Magnus. He was dressed in just a pair of black swim trunks, which was both an upgrade from where they had started the trip and a downgrade from where Magnus had coaxed him. Not that he would have encouraged Alec to skinny dip in front of his siblings, but still, it had been depressing to see him put them on.

“If I fall I’m going to have to listen to Jace tease me about it until we die, Magnus. I’ve gotten pretty decent but if the wind hits me wrong…” Alec winced, remembering a particularly bad attempted flight from just yesterday. “I’m not that good yet.”

Magnus gaped at him, a little out of his depth. Alec had been nervous to start learning to fly, sure, but now his concern was not being impressive enough in front of his _parabatai_? “I don’t think they’re expecting aerial stunts, Alec.”

“I mean, okay, but still.” Alec glanced over to the edge of the _small cliff_ that they had been working from. Well, one of them. They had gotten a lot done in the course of their short trip.

They could hear Clary shriek below and the sounds of water splashing. It was probably Jace being some kind of awful but Magnus was fairly sure that none of the three would do anything to discourage Alec even if he fell spectacularly. “If you fall, which you won’t, and Jace or Izzy or even Clary laugh, which they will not, then we’ll remind them that they can’t fly at all and I’ll turn them into slugs for an hour.”

Alec turned back to him with wide eyes, “You could actually do that?”

“Darling, that would be child’s play.” Magnus laughed. To be fair, he never _actually_ turned anyone into a slug but he had turned a particularly annoying vampire into a cockroach for an evening once in 1834 and he was fairly certain the mechanics were the same.

The offer had taken some of the tension from Alec’s frame and Magnus watched as he unglamoured his wings. He reached out and stroked across the sensitive top curve closest to him and saw Alec shiver in response even though it was sunny and warm.

“Trust yourself, Alexander. Trust your wings. They were made for this.” Magnus encouraged softly.

He knew it would take a little more coaxing than that. Mentally, he prepared a few more things to say to help Alec get himself out of his own head.

Then, Alec grabbed his shoulders, pulled him forward and kissed him hard and fast before letting him go and running with his wings fully extended towards the edge of the cliff.

And then he jumped.

Magnus was running after him before his brain had even caught up with the last thirty seconds. It felt a little like whiplash but he was glad for it when he got to see Alec’s magnificent wings spread out and beat strongly against the wind.

There was silence down in water before there was a loud roar of something like pride that had to have come from Jace. Then the girls started screaming and Magnus could only stand there and laugh while Alec flew a slow and steady circuit around the lagoon.

When he had fallen in love with Alec this was never what he had expected. When he had first seen Alec’s wings this was what he had known deep into his bones would come to pass. One way or another, in ten months or ten years, he would get to see Alec _flying_.

In more ways than just the literal, apparently.

As Alec came back around, Magnus could finally see his face. He kept glancing between his siblings and Magnus, and he still hadn’t entirely figured out what to with his arms while he flew but there was a radiant smile on his face that took Magnus’ breath away.

This moment was worth all of it. All the hurt of Alec fearfully pushing him away, all the time spent teaching him to accept himself, all the worry from his fall and recovery… every awful second had led them to _this._  

What would happen next, Magnus couldn’t know. The Angels might have plans for them, the Clave might find out the truth… but none of that could touch them in this sunlit moment.

They were happy and together and _free._

They were unstoppable.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, I had written the last line of this before I started season two and Clary's voice-over ended with "And together, we're unstoppable" I considered changing it as I was fleshing the story out but I figured it rang true so I kept it. 
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for all of the love and support given to this story. I deeply appreciate such a warm welcome to the fandom. I hope to drop in with another story again sometime soon!


End file.
